[Intro | jangly guitar | tight bass | dry female vocal] I said the movie was ridiculous I said it twice, maybe three times Nobody falls in love like that Nobody gets those perfect lines I rolled my eyes right through the ending Then thought about it half the night Apparently ridiculous Can still be done exactly right [Verse 1 | crisp drums enter | conversational] Only one window open Only one man behind the glass And I need the money for this ticket So I need to think fast I need a broken heart A cheating man A holiday gone wrong Mallorca was our great escape Until he came along He took my heart He took my car He left me all alone I lower my eyes My voice starts shaking And the tears come right on cue [Pre-Chorus | building] I almost believe me Maybe that’s the key If you’re going to sell the story Sell it completely [Chorus | bright, driving] Julia Roberts Tell me, how’d I do? One perfect tear One trembling breath And every word came true Julia Roberts I only need one take You don’t have to really break your heart To make a heart look like it breaks No cameras rolling No director shouting “Cut” I got the cash So that was good enough [Verse 2 | bass forward | slightly cockier] Refund in my pocket Taxi waiting at the curb One-way flight to Palma And a little liquid nerve Three glasses of wine later I’m reviewing my technique Maybe crying on command Isn’t something everyone can do Who knew? [Pre-Chorus] Don’t push too hard Don’t oversell Give them something they can believe The best performance Is the one where no one Notices anything up your sleeve [Chorus] Julia Roberts Tell me, how’d I do? One perfect tear One trembling breath And every word came true Julia Roberts I only need one take You don’t have to really break your heart To make a heart look like it breaks No cameras rolling No director shouting “Cut” I got the cash So that was good enough [Instrumental Break | jangly guitar | organ accents] [Verse 3 | stripped back | cool, controlled] “Hello, Alex.” “The lovely Miss Barnaby Or has your name changed?” I look away from Mark Because that’s easier And answer just the same “It’s still Miss Barnaby For now, anyway.” Fine But I didn’t call for flirting And I didn’t call to play “You owe me for not turning you in And the bill is due.” [Beat | instruments stop] [2 second pause] [Spoken | quietly pleased] Oh, that was good. [Bridge | drums return | widening] Sometimes it’s a story Sometimes every word is true Sometimes all you’ve really got Is how you say what you have to Know your line Know your mark Never let them see you doubt And don’t congratulate yourself Until you’re safely out [Final Chorus | full band | confident, not belted] Julia Roberts I think I’m getting good A well-timed tear A perfect line Delivered like it should Julia Roberts No second take this time Sometimes you have to make them feel The truth behind the line No cameras rolling No audience anywhere But when the moment needs a show I’ll get us out of there [Outro | guitar and bass | vocal almost spoken] The tears came instantly The money hit my hand And later, with one sentence Alex knew exactly where I stand Maybe I don’t need an Oscar I just need to do what needs to be done [soft laugh] Julia Roberts couldn’t have done better [brief pause] Pretty Woman was still ridiculous, though.
