# Tea and Picnic for the Monsters [Intro — spoken] The ancient door opens. There’s a picnic blanket. A kettle. Three cakes. And one duck wearing an apron. “…Oh.” **QUACK.** “Well, that’s actually quite nice.” [Verse 1] Tea beneath the crooked trees, Cakes beside the silver stream, Monsters sprawled across the blankets Like a very gothic dream. Ghosts are passing round the biscuits, Skeletons have brought the jam, And the vampire’s guarding scones like— “Touch one and lose a hand.” [Chorus] Tea and picnic for the monsters, Underneath the violet sky, Cups and cakes and strange companions, Watching little clouds go by. No alarms and no disasters, Just a quiet afternoon— Well... Quiet by our standards, darling, With some ducks beneath the moon. [Verse 2 — Vampire] The vampire pours his tea politely, “This is civilised at last.” A duck steals half his sandwich. He just watches as it passed. Long silence. Then he whispers, “I am choosing peace today.” The duck steals his second sandwich. “…Right. Peace has gone away.” [Bridge] Blankets, laughter, sleepy creatures, Tiny bats curled in the shade, Even chaos needs a tea break After all the mess we’ve made. From Shark Island through the Dreamscape, Every strange one gets a seat— Monsters, ghosts and rubber ducks, All together while we eat. [Final Chorus] Tea and picnic for the monsters, Let the whole strange world slow down. Pass the cake and pour another, Leave your worries on the ground. We can laugh or sit in silence, Either way, you’re welcome too— At the monster picnic table, There’s always room for you. [Outro — spoken] “Anyone want the last scone?” Silence. The vampire grabs it. **QUACK.** “Don’t.” **QUACK.** “I mean it.” ... The duck slowly reaches forward. “DON’T YOU BLOODY DARE.”
