The Reaction Trap (Lesson 1)

Yeah. Look at my hands. Why are they shaking? I thought I was the one steering the wheel. But I’m just in the passenger seat. Blindfolded. Waiting for someone else to hit the gas. I walk around like I’m the king of the castle Like I’m the one dealing the cards in the battle But the second you speak and you throw me a shadow I snap and I react, man, it’s so hard to handle! You push a button, I’m blowing up like a landmine You pull a string and I’m dancing on the frontline I think I’m fighting you, think I’m defending my pride But the truth is you’re driving the car from the inside! Every insult you throw is a seed that I water I’m drinking the poison expecting a slaughter I harbor the anger, I harbor the hate But I’m the only one locked in the cage! I’m guarding the prison, I’m holding the key But I'm handing the power right over to the enemy! I thought I had the control! I thought I was guarding my soul! But if you can make me angry, if you can make me break Then you’re the master, and I’m just the fake! Welcome to the trap! Welcome to the illusion! Living every day in a state of confusion! Fighting with the mirror but the enemy’s a ghost I’m serving up my mind to the one I hate the most! You don't own me! (But I hand you the keys!) You don't break me! (But I fall to my knees!) The resentment is a chain, the reaction is the lock I’m a prisoner of war and I'm watching the clock! Rent-free in my head, yeah, you live in the attic, the static is getting so highly erratic! I'm letting you dictate the mood of the room and you're miles away but you're bringing the doom! I take it to bed with me, stare at the ceiling, I'm validating every miserable feeling! "They did me so dirty, they treated me wrong," so I'm writing a tragic and pitiful song! Look at the way I react to the trigger, the problem is small but I'm making it bigger! My ego is sensitive, begging for drama, I'm wrapping my identity right in the trauma! I look at the puppet, the puppet is me, I am completely entirely blind but I think I can see! If somebody hurts me I gotta hit back, I am living my life on the counter-attack! But wait! If I strike, then I'm playing the game! I'm fueling the fire, I'm feeding the flame! What if I stop? What if I just... ignore you? No anger. No fear. Just... stillness. Welcome to the trap! Welcome to the illusion! Living every day in a state of confusion! Fighting with the mirror but the enemy’s a ghost I’m serving up my mind to the one I hate the most! You don't own me! (But I hand you the keys!) You don't break me! (But I fall to my knees!) The resentment is a chain, the reaction is the lock I’m a prisoner of war but I’m stopping the clock! I’m stopping the clock! I’m breaking the mold! I’m taking the narrative back from the cold! You want me to scream? You want me to yell? You want me to join you right down in the hell? I refuse! I reject it! I stand in the light! I’m winning the war by refusing to fight! The moment I watch it, the moment I pause Is the moment I sever your miserable claws! You pull the string. But I don't move. I see you. But you don't own me anymore. Yeah. The illusion is over.