[Intro] (Slow, heavy bass pulse) (Spoken, deadpan) Oh, you’re having a good time? Let me fix that for you. [Build-up] [Verse 1] I’m the reason why your battery is at one percent, The subtle hidden clause in your overpriced rent. I park my ego in the space you were waiting to take, The accidental salt in your birthday cake. (Delicious!) I don’t lack a soul, I just put it on ice, I’m the guy who gives you really terrible advice. I’m the "reply all" on a sensitive thread, The haunting little thought when you’re trying to go to bed. [Pre-Chorus] I’m not a monster, I’m an acquired taste, A perfectly engineered, magnificent waste. (One, two, three—get out!) [Chorus] I’m the absolute worst, the crown of the pile, Killing the vibe with a surgical smile. Throw your hands up if you hate my guts, The reason why the elevator door never shuts! (Going nowhere!) Yeah, I’m the glitch, I’m the stain, I’m the thorn in your side, Take the scenic route to losing your pride. I’m the absolute worst—and I’m doing it right. [Verse 2] I’m the spoilers for the show you were starting tonight, The person at the concert blocking everyone’s sight. (Down in front!) I ghost your messages but watch every story you post, I’m the uninvited ghost at your Sunday roast. It’s a specialized craft, a professional art, To be the literal smell of a crowded room’s... (Wait for it) ...negativity. (Sarcastic laugh) [Chorus] I’m the absolute worst, the crown of the pile, Killing the vibe with a surgical smile. Throw your hands up if you hate my guts, The reason why the elevator door never shuts! (Going nowhere!) Yeah, I’m the glitch, I’m the stain, I’m the thorn in your side, Take the scenic route to losing your pride. I’m the absolute worst—and I’m doing it right. [Bridge] [Drum Break] [Distorted Bass Drop] (Whispered) I’m the fine print. I’m the static. I’m the itch you can’t reach. (Energy builds up rapidly) I’m the rain on your parade and the oil on your beach! (Let’s go!) [Guitar Solo / High Energy Synth Lead] [Chorus] I’m the absolute worst, the crown of the pile, Killing the vibe with a surgical smile. Throw your hands up if you hate my guts, The reason why the elevator door never shuts! (Mind the gap!) Yeah, I’m the glitch, I’m the stain, I’m the thorn in your side, Take the scenic route to losing your pride. I’m the absolute worst—see you next time. [Outro] (Beat stops abruptly) (Spoken) Wait, did you actually think there was a positive message? (Short, dry chuckle) (Fade out with a single dissonant beep)
