Hopeless Pedantic

acoustic folk, comedic singer-songwriter, coffeehouse folk

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[spoken intro: deadpan, matter-of-fact]
This is a song about the best kind of correct.

[verse 1: warm delivery building to mild frustration]
You hold my hand and say to me, "The moon is shining bright"
I tell you, "It's not shining, it's reflecting the sun's light,
And furthermore, you should have said 'the moon is shining brightly.'"
You sigh and then you ask me, "do we have to do this nightly?"

[spoken: exasperated but affectionate]
Yes, until you learn!

[chorus: full-voiced, self-aware irony, with harmony vocals]
What can I say, I'm a hopeless pedantic
To you it may just be a case of semantics
I'm a hopeless pedantic, I'll die on this hill
So find me a lover who knows "shall" from "will"

[verse 2: storytelling tone with mounting irritation]
The next day we go hiking since you're such an avid birder
You say "look, there's a flock of crows," and I consider murder
"This is the bluest sky I've seen," you say matter-of-factually
I deeply gaze into your eyes and whisper
"Well, actually..."

[spoken: smug correction]
The sky's not really blue, it's just Rayleigh scattering.

[chorus: more emphatic, harmony vocals stronger]
What can I say, I'm a hopeless pedantic
Your clerical errors are leaving me frantic
I'm a hopeless pedantic, it's a horrible curse
You couldn't care less; argh, you're making it worse!

[bridge: softer, almost vulnerable before snapping back]
I hate to see you frown
But I won't dumb it down
I don't want to fight
Can't you get it right?

[verse 3: resigned but still can't help herself]
You say I've left you literally at the end of your rope
I wish you knew it's "figuratively" but I have lost all hope
I tell you it's too much, and I must find somebody new
You look confused and ask me "Wait, you're leaving me for who?"

[spoken: final straw, indignant]
It's whom, dammit!

[chorus: full commitment to the bit, harmony prominent]
What can I say, I'm a hopeless pedantic
To me it can never be merely semantics
I'm a hopeless pedantic, I'll never get better
Correcting the grammar of every love letter

[final chorus: triumphant self-awareness, harmony soaring]
What can I say, I'm a hopeless pedantic
I'd rather be right than be cute or romantic
I'm a hopeless pedantic, hear my tragic song
It's not my fault everyone else gets it wrong

[outro: violin and guitar fade with final plucked notes]

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[spoken intro: deadpan, matter-of-fact] This is a song about the best kind of correct. [verse 1: warm delivery building to mild frustration] You hold my hand and say to me, "The moon is shining bright" I tell you, "It's not shining, it's reflecting the sun's light, And furthermore, you should have said 'the moon is shining brightly.'" You sigh and then you ask me, "do we have to do this nightly?" [spoken: exasperated but affectionate] Yes, until you learn! [chorus: full-voiced, self-aware irony, with harmony vocals] What can I say, I'm a hopeless pedantic To you it may just be a case of semantics I'm a hopeless pedantic, I'll die on this hill So find me a lover who knows "shall" from "will" [verse 2: storytelling tone with mounting irritation] The next day we go hiking since you're such an avid birder You say "look, there's a flock of crows," and I consider murder "This is the bluest sky I've seen," you say matter-of-factually I deeply gaze into your eyes and whisper "Well, actually..." [spoken: smug correction] The sky's not really blue, it's just Rayleigh scattering. [chorus: more emphatic, harmony vocals stronger] What can I say, I'm a hopeless pedantic Your clerical errors are leaving me frantic I'm a hopeless pedantic, it's a horrible curse You couldn't care less; argh, you're making it worse! [bridge: softer, almost vulnerable before snapping back] I hate to see you frown But I won't dumb it down I don't want to fight Can't you get it right? [verse 3: resigned but still can't help herself] You say I've left you literally at the end of your rope I wish you knew it's "figuratively" but I have lost all hope I tell you it's too much, and I must find somebody new You look confused and ask me "Wait, you're leaving me for who?" [spoken: final straw, indignant] It's whom, dammit! [chorus: full commitment to the bit, harmony prominent] What can I say, I'm a hopeless pedantic To me it can never be merely semantics I'm a hopeless pedantic, I'll never get better Correcting the grammar of every love letter [final chorus: triumphant self-awareness, harmony soaring] What can I say, I'm a hopeless pedantic I'd rather be right than be cute or romantic I'm a hopeless pedantic, hear my tragic song It's not my fault everyone else gets it wrong [outro: violin and guitar fade with final plucked notes]

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