[Intro: beatbox with voice over] “Ladies and gents… and kobolds too… Gather ‘round, grab a mug, and sniff this brew. Tonight’s tale is one of chaos, crits… …and just a hint of dick!” [Beat kicks in] [Verse 1] One night at the inn, the whole place flew, Across the damn city, like a drunk man’s shoe! And who’s to blame? Well, it ain’t our crew… It was Emmek, the tavern man — yeah, that’s the truth! [Chorus] Hey y'all, raise your mugs, Log-scented rum in pirate jugs. Dick flick crits and kobold scrubs, fighting like fools feasting like thugs! [Beatbox solo] [Verse 2] Later on the day, Oleg hurled the hammer, Bugbear caught it what a bummer! He swung real wide, I power slide i swear, And flicked his junk so hard he lost his pair! Finger stank with necrotic dick doom, So I stirred it in a bottle... a tavern perfume. Now we’re sipping on a cursed spiced rum, Log-scented vintage, yum-yum-yum! [beatbox break] [Verse 3] Kobolds showed up, screeching in packs, So I cracked a joke that floored their backs: “Empires had emperors, kingdoms had kings, Now we got cuntries—” (ahahahahahah) ... and all those kobolds drop, rolling in rings! Feire lit the fire, fireball on blast, Burned half our asses, kobolds fried fast. Xanger swung fists, but his punches said “nah,” Oleg destroyed brains like a butchered gnoll’s maw! [Chorus] hey y'all shut the chats, Crispy kobolds, burning mats. Low in life, but I hit like a storm, a Fisting crit, ripped pleasure form! [beatbox Breakdown] [Verse 4] Last round of the brawl, I went in deep, Fisted a kobold — his soul won’t sleep. Second-level wounds, damage is high, Crit so brutal, the poor thing cried! Low in life? Didn’t matter at all, He exploded in pieces... like a pleasure ball. Now you'll remember, when the story’s sung, Of crits, and dicks, and Log-Scented Rum! [Solo, Beatbox] “Rum rum rum, LOG-SCENTED RUM! Rum rum rum, LOG-SCENTED RUM!” [Outro: Whispered, over fading beat] “Emmek did it… (probably)… Bug-bears lost it… And we… just drank it.” [Betabox]“BOOM”
