I've slept for three thousand years, no rent to pay, Dreaming of pyramids and a peaceful decay. Then CRASH! goes the ceiling, BANG! goes the door, Some tourist with a shovel starts digging my floor! She says she's an explorer, Claims she's "saving history." Funny how "saving" always means Stealing all my jewelry! Hey! Who's raiding whom today? You're in my tomb—please go away! You scream at bats, you trip on stones, Then blame it on "ancient cursed bones!" I'm not the monster, can't you see? I was asleep—you woke me! Now I'm chasing you because... well... hey, You broke my favorite vase today! You've got pistols, ropes, and climbing gear, Yet panic when I cough, "Ahem..." near your ear. You call me evil, creepy, undead, and mean... Lady, you're the one disturbing the quarantine! Every movie gets it wrong, I'm tired, dusty, weak. I'm not yelling "Curse you, mortal!" I just... forgot how to speak. These bandages aren't scary, They're vintage royal wear. I've been wrapped since 1200 B.C.— It's hard to find a spare! Hey! Who's raiding whom today? You loot my gold then run away! You grab my relic, dodge my trap, Then post it on your treasure map! I only wanted one more nap, Instead you're doing acrobatics. If you hear me groan behind the wall... I'm mostly just arthritic after all! So next time you invade a tomb, Knock first before you make me loom. Bring fresh bandages... maybe some tea... And PLEASE stop stealing my eternity! 👻🏺
