[Intro - soft harp, light whistle] [Lead - raspy Scottish woman, warm spoken] Aye… There ye are. Come closer, dearie. No need tae look so worried. Ah’m only Klefki, the Steel Fairy Key. [Soft fiddle] [Spoken - raspy] Ah’ve always had a fondness fer keys, ye see. Little house keys. Old vault keys. Master keys. Oh… Especially master keys. [Small chuckle] Leave one unattended and perhaps… Perhaps Ah’ll borrow it. Fer a wee while. Or fifty years. Who can say, ma dears? [Spoken - raspy] Such wonderful little things. One wee turn… And treasure is yours. One wee turn… And yer freedom is ours. [Pause] Oh. Did that sound unpleasant? Forgive me, dearie. [Gentle laugh] Ye came fer a story, did ye not? Then sit. [Music holds] No… Ah said… SIT! [Background fae - dark incantation] Èist rium. Stad. Fuirich. Bi sàmhach. Èist rium. Stad. Fuirich. Bi sàmhach. [Ritual music rises] [Lead - raspy and cold] There now. Much better. [Dry cackle] Ye’ll stay till Ah’m finished. Prankster. Such a sweet wee name. A joke. A trick. A touch o’ mischief. [Lead - raspy snarl] Bullshit. Prankster means the curse lands first. And now, dearie… Prepare fer the worst. [Story I - low ritual pulse] There once was a king dragged free frae the stone, Tyrantrum by name, demanding a throne. Great jaws. Great roar. A crown on his head. Millions o’ years gone, still too thick tae stay dead. He came tae ma gate and battered the frame, “Open!” cried the bastard, “Ye will bow tae ma name!” [Lead - raspy, amused] A Dragon… Ordering a Fairy. Och, that’s precious. Ah whispered one curse. Thunder entered his veins. His great legs went heavy, his charge pulled on chains. Strong Jaw kept snapping, but teeth cannae bite What Prankster has crippled before ye can fight. He clawed at the doorway. He roared at the stone. And there sat the king… Locked out. Alone. [Background fae] Dùn an doras. Dùn an doras. [Hook - incantation] Mind the key, mind the door, Mind what ye bargain for. Fair folk smile, fair folk grin, One wee turn and we get in. [Story II - warped harp] Farther along stood a cottage o’ cream, Sugared at the windows like some sickly wee dream. Slurpuff came sniffing, her nose in the air, Chasing sweet scents Ah had scattered out there. [Lead - raspy, falsely sweet] Oh, what a clever wee fairy. Such a wonderful nose. [Low chuckle] So Ah laid out a feast and Ah watched the fool bite. Belly Drum pounding, she swelled up wi’ might. More power, cupcake. Go on. Stuff yerself full. Foul Play and glamour, ya gullible fool. That icing ye tasted? Was mouldy old gruel. Sweet Veil protects ye? How lovely. Unburden makes ye quick? Thunder Wave. Run now, ya frosted wee prick. We may both be Fairy, but dinnae call us kin. Ye’re sugar on a plate. Ah’m cold iron and sin. [Hook - incantation] Mind the key, mind the door, Mind what ye bargain for. Fair folk smile, fair folk grin, One wee turn and we get in. [Story III - low pipes] Then came Hawlucha, all feathers and flair, A wee masked peacock with nothing tae scare. Flying Press ready, all chest and display, Big entrance, wee damage. That’s usually yer way. [Lead - raspy, dry] Ye glaikit wee show-off. [Dry laugh] Ye leap like a hero, Ah answer wi’ Reflect. All that grand posing fer half the effect. Yer fists hit the ward. Yer wings lose their pace. Thunder Wave strips that wee smirk frae yer face. Ye call that a finisher? Och, spare me the act. By the time ye start fighting, Ah’ve already answered back. No belt. No glory. No crowd chanting yer name. Just a bird in a mask getting schooled at his game. Come on, luchador. Jump again. [Incantation] Bind the fist. Still the wing. Raise the ward. Turn the ring. [Hook - incantation] Bar the gate, bar the door, Ye should’ve bargained more. Fair folk laugh, fair folk grin, Too late now — we are in. [Story IV - ritual deepens] Now ye understand why folk guard every key. Why something goes missing when nobody can see. Ah’m no ghost. Dinnae flatter yerself. Ah’m Fairy. The older sort. The sort that helps herself. Prankster before power. A curse before teeth. Thunder Wave in yer blood. Spikes under yer feet. Reflect fer the fist. Light Screen fer the flame. By the time ye start fighting, Ah’ve rewritten the game. And when some big bastard grows proud o’ his might, Foul Play takes his strength and sends it back right. [Bagpipes swell] Ah’m the Steel Fairy Key. Ah borrow. Ah bind. Ah take what ye treasure and leave tricks behind. [Music falls quiet] [Lead - raspy, suddenly warm] And that, dearie… Is the end o’ ma story. Ye may stand. [Pause] Go on. [Long pause] Why are ye still sitting? [Dry cackle] Ahhh… Perhaps Ah forgot tae lift the curse. What a shame.
