THAT’S MY MOM The Phone Went First [INTRO, SPOKEN] I know I’m probably not supposed to say this word— But that was badass. [VERSE 1] We were at our house He was laughing, acting wild Started tickling Mom She told him, “Stop it” several times He kept going Kept laughing Like her answer didn’t count So we started saying, “Stop” too Everybody called it out Mom said stop We said stop Whole room made the message clear He was laughing by himself Because nobody else was there Then Mom stood up like, “That’s enough We’re taking you back home” He acted like this consequence Appeared from the unknown [PRE CHORUS] Then he told us how his father Used to tickle him back then He didn’t like it at the time But now they’re happy memories Said his dad’s a great tickler We did not know what to say Mom just grabbed the keys Like, “Everybody, we’re leaving anyway” [CHORUS] THAT’S MY MOM Told him once, told him twice Whole room gave him warnings Then she went and ended the night He kept laughing She stayed calm She was completely over it all I was watching from the back like Damn That’s my mom THAT’S MY MOM No debate, no second guess She gave him every opportunity He created his own mess The phone went first Then the man went next That’s my mom She enforces the exit [VERSE 2] She drove him to his house He kept talking the whole ride Drunk and getting louder From the passenger side We pulled up at his address Car in park, the trip was through Mom said, “Okay, get out now” He found something else to do He pulled out his phone Like, “Wait, let me play a song Tell me what you wanna hear” I thought: the sound of you being gone Nobody wanted music Nobody asked him to begin Mom took the phone straight from his hand And threw it out the window I watched it hit the ground Like it understood the plan His phone had left the vehicle He was still inside the van [CHORUS] THAT’S MY MOM Told him once, told him twice Whole room gave him warnings Then she went and ended the night He kept laughing She stayed calm She was completely over it all I was watching from the back like Damn That’s my mom THAT’S MY MOM No debate, no second guess She gave him every opportunity He created his own mess The phone went first Then the man went next That’s my mom She enforces the exit [BRIDGE] Phone on the ground Man in the seat House right there Trip complete Car in park Door still closed Mom said, “Out” He said, “One more song” No [VERSE 3] Since his phone was now outside He finally opened up the door Started climbing out so slowly Like he hadn’t stalled before One foot planted on the ground One shoulder almost free Mom put one hand on that shoulder Gave a shove and set him free And he moved surprisingly easy For somebody fighting hard One second in the passenger seat Next second in the yard No speeding car No danger The vehicle was parked Just Mom completing something He refused to fucking start [FINAL CHORUS] THAT’S MY MOM She said stop and meant it too When he ignored every warning She decided they were through She drove him home Told him to go He tried to make the evening stall Then his phone flew out the window Damn That’s my mom THAT’S MY MOM No confusion, no regret The phone went first Then the man went next She didn’t chase She didn’t yell She simply finished what he started That’s my mom The car was completely parked [OUTRO, SPOKEN] His phone listened better than he did. It got out the first time. And I’m not saying Mom is a badass— Because I’m probably not allowed to say that. But— She is.
