Potions, Elixirs, Tonics & Tinctures

realistic vocals, minimal dub, experimental hip hop, live tavern, female duo, female duet, bardcore, remix, comedy

[FX: soft bubbling cauldron under the first downbeat]
Chorus
BOTH (sung):
Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures.
Sneak Attack with the facts, we’re the
Song singers, drink drinkers, thought thinkers.
Take a drink of this with the little Pip Miss.
Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat.
Now, the best way to learn…
is careful study, slow experimentation and peer review.
PIP:
We did none of that.
FATTYFOOT:
We did trial and error.
PIP:
Mostly error.
But hey, we survived, so you don’t have to read the warning labels.
Start with tonics, gentle little sips,
Like Grampa’s Tea in the trembling hands and lips.
Ravola Tea Thistle in a dented old tin,
Steam curls up and hushes all the storms inside your skin.
PIP (sung):
You sit real still while the world untwists,
Voices in your head take a temporary hiss.
It doesn’t fix your life or make the ghosts behave,
But it gives you one warm cup of “you’re alright, you’re safe.”
Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures.
Sneak Attack with the facts, we’re the
Song singers, drink drinkers, thought thinkers.
Take a drink of this with the little Pip Miss.
Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat.
PIP (spoken):
Now tinctures.
Tinctures are what happens when medicine and alcohol shake hands
and decide to ruin your evening together.
We tried Nutty Pop, little brown shot of Arnica flame,
One sip and my legs invented a brand-new game.
I cleaned three tables, kissed the door, ran laps around the cat,
Heart said “slow,” feet said “no,” and that was that.
PIP (sung):
Then Mystic Breeze, hibiscus pink in a crystal glass,
Wizard said “this will help when your spells go crass.”
I drank, cast once, everything went wrong and loud—
But instead of wild explosions, I just mouthed at the crowd.
No fire, no demons, jusssst silence.
PIP:
Best magic item we ever bought.
Rose Gin Fizz, rosemary foam in a fancy glass,
Tasted like courage and like kissing your own mess.
I felt ten feet taller, loved every friend and foe,
Then woke up under a table in a fragrant glow.
PIP (sung):
And Mootmilch, gods help us, thick and milky, grim,
Bwila Weed chalk on your tongue and around the rim.
Suddenly I’m dancing on chairs like my joints are springs,
Brain in the corner saying, “I don’t approve of these things.”

[FX: clumsy tap-dance footsteps, glass clink, distant moo]
Chorus
BOTH (sung):
Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures.
Sneak Attack with the facts, we’re the
Song singers, drink drinkers, thought thinkers.
Take a drink of this with the little Pip Miss.
Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat.
PIP (spoken):
Side effects may include
new regrets and old crushes.
PIP (spoken):
Now, potions.
Potions are not subtle.
Potions are the universe saying, “Bet you won’t.”
There was brown frothy stuff in a bottle I traded,
No label, no notes, just vibes upgraded.
I took one heroic gulp in the middle of the room…
Immediate… consequences.
FATTYFOOT (sung):
And then for a short, horrifying while,
I could point at folks and share the style.
Whole tavern learned what empathy means,
And the innkeeper hosed down half his beams.
Finally… elixirs.
Elixirs are potions that learned to read and developed opinions.
PIP (sung):
We found The Stuff in a box marked “absolutely not,”
Spellwort swirl, little bottle that glowed too hot.
Our wizard said, “How bad could it be?” and took a pull—
His magic went from “unreliable” to “don’t even try, fool.”
But when our barbarian knocked one back instead,
Spells started sliding off his thick, delighted head.
Sorcerer screaming, curses flying through the air,
He just blinked and ordered soup like nothing was there.
PIP (spoken):
So that one’s either a disaster or insurance,
depending who’s holding the glass.
Verse 4 – Potions (Brown Frothy Stuff)
PIP (spoken):
Now, potions.
Potions are not subtle.
Potions are the universe saying, “Bet you won’t.”
FATTYFOOT (sung):
There was brown frothy stuff in a bottle I traded,
No label, no notes, just vibes upgraded.
I took one heroic gulp in the middle of the room…
Immediate… consequences.
FATTYFOOT (sung):
And then for a short, horrifying while,
I could point at folks and share the style.
Whole tavern learned what empathy means,
And the innkeeper hosed down half his beams.

[Intro – whispered over dub beat]
Now… the best way to learn… 
now-now-now… the best way… the best way to learn…

[Hook cut]
Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. 
Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures.
Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. 
Take a drink of this with the little Pip Miss.
Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat.
Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat…
Take a drink-a that with the Foot of Fat, uh… 
Take a drink-a that… Foot-of-Fat… Fat… Fat…
Take a drink-a that with the Foot of Fat, uh… 
Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures.

[Hook cut]
Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. 
Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures.
Take a drink of this with the lit-tle Pip Miss… 
Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat…
Take a drink-a that with the Foot of Fat, uh…

5414/7500

[Spoken Intro, over light fiddle + guitar] FATTYFOOT: Alright class, welcome to Sneak Attack’s School of Questionable Pharmacy. I’m Fattyfoot McGee, aspiring apothecary, drink tester, bad example. PIP: I’m Pip Pippington, herbalist, plant whisperer, and “the reason the tavern put labels on things.” Tonight we explain potions, elixirs, tonics and tinctures… PIP: …so that you can make informed terrible decisions. [FX: soft bubbling cauldron under the first downbeat] Chorus BOTH (sung): Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. Sneak Attack with the facts, we’re the Song singers, drink drinkers, thought thinkers. Take a drink of this with the little Pip Miss. Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat. Now, the best way to learn… is careful study, slow experimentation and peer review. PIP: We did none of that. FATTYFOOT: We did trial and error. PIP: Mostly error. But hey, we survived, so you don’t have to read the warning labels. Start with tonics, gentle little sips, Like Grampa’s Tea in the trembling hands and lips. Ravola Tea Thistle in a dented old tin, Steam curls up and hushes all the storms inside your skin. PIP (sung): You sit real still while the world untwists, Voices in your head take a temporary hiss. It doesn’t fix your life or make the ghosts behave, But it gives you one warm cup of “you’re alright, you’re safe.” Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. Sneak Attack with the facts, we’re the Song singers, drink drinkers, thought thinkers. Take a drink of this with the little Pip Miss. Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat. PIP (spoken): Now tinctures. Tinctures are what happens when medicine and alcohol shake hands and decide to ruin your evening together. We tried Nutty Pop, little brown shot of Arnica flame, One sip and my legs invented a brand-new game. I cleaned three tables, kissed the door, ran laps around the cat, Heart said “slow,” feet said “no,” and that was that. PIP (sung): Then Mystic Breeze, hibiscus pink in a crystal glass, Wizard said “this will help when your spells go crass.” I drank, cast once, everything went wrong and loud— But instead of wild explosions, I just mouthed at the crowd. No fire, no demons, jusssst silence. PIP: Best magic item we ever bought. Rose Gin Fizz, rosemary foam in a fancy glass, Tasted like courage and like kissing your own mess. I felt ten feet taller, loved every friend and foe, Then woke up under a table in a fragrant glow. PIP (sung): And Mootmilch, gods help us, thick and milky, grim, Bwila Weed chalk on your tongue and around the rim. Suddenly I’m dancing on chairs like my joints are springs, Brain in the corner saying, “I don’t approve of these things.” [FX: clumsy tap-dance footsteps, glass clink, distant moo] Chorus BOTH (sung): Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. Sneak Attack with the facts, we’re the Song singers, drink drinkers, thought thinkers. Take a drink of this with the little Pip Miss. Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat. PIP (spoken): Side effects may include new regrets and old crushes. PIP (spoken): Now, potions. Potions are not subtle. Potions are the universe saying, “Bet you won’t.” There was brown frothy stuff in a bottle I traded, No label, no notes, just vibes upgraded. I took one heroic gulp in the middle of the room… Immediate… consequences. FATTYFOOT (sung): And then for a short, horrifying while, I could point at folks and share the style. Whole tavern learned what empathy means, And the innkeeper hosed down half his beams. Finally… elixirs. Elixirs are potions that learned to read and developed opinions. PIP (sung): We found The Stuff in a box marked “absolutely not,” Spellwort swirl, little bottle that glowed too hot. Our wizard said, “How bad could it be?” and took a pull— His magic went from “unreliable” to “don’t even try, fool.” But when our barbarian knocked one back instead, Spells started sliding off his thick, delighted head. Sorcerer screaming, curses flying through the air, He just blinked and ordered soup like nothing was there. PIP (spoken): So that one’s either a disaster or insurance, depending who’s holding the glass. Verse 4 – Potions (Brown Frothy Stuff) PIP (spoken): Now, potions. Potions are not subtle. Potions are the universe saying, “Bet you won’t.” FATTYFOOT (sung): There was brown frothy stuff in a bottle I traded, No label, no notes, just vibes upgraded. I took one heroic gulp in the middle of the room… Immediate… consequences. FATTYFOOT (sung): And then for a short, horrifying while, I could point at folks and share the style. Whole tavern learned what empathy means, And the innkeeper hosed down half his beams. [Intro – whispered over dub beat] Now… the best way to learn… now-now-now… the best way… the best way to learn… [Hook cut] Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. Take a drink of this with the little Pip Miss. Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat. Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat… Take a drink-a that with the Foot of Fat, uh… Take a drink-a that… Foot-of-Fat… Fat… Fat… Take a drink-a that with the Foot of Fat, uh… Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. [Hook cut] Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. Potions, Elixirs, Tonics and Tinctures. Take a drink of this with the lit-tle Pip Miss… Take a drink of that with the Foot of Fat… Take a drink-a that with the Foot of Fat, uh…

0/500