[Spoken Intro — deep, sultry] It's okay, baby... take a deep breath... the doctor will see you now. [Verse 1] He went to school for seven years To face what other men would fear No gloves of shame, no coat, no tie Just healing hands and open sky [Pre-Chorus] Adjustin' your spine in the morning light Checkin' your colon by candlelight [Chorus] Dr. John Buttfucker, M-D He'll crack your back and set you free Fully nude and unafraid The finest exam you've ever had Oh, Dr. Buttfucker, M-D [Verse 2] He whispers low, "Now don't you clench, I learned my trade on a chiro bench" One hand up high, one hand below A two-in-one, all-in-one show [Bridge] They tried to revoke his license twice But baby, his bedside manner's nice [Verse 3] Word spread wide of his gentle art A healer of both the spine and heart Mayors, bishops, a senator's wife All laid face-down to change their life [Pre-Chorus] He hummed a tune as he cracked each bone "You came in broken, you'll leave full-grown" [Chorus] Dr. John Buttfucker, M-D He'll crack your back and set you free Fully nude and unafraid The finest exam you've ever had Oh, Dr. Buttfucker, M-D [Chorus — louder, key change up] Dr. John Buttfucker, M-D! He cured my scoliosis AND my dignity! Not a stitch of cloth, just the Lord's own light He'll align your hips and he'll do it right Oh, Dr. Buttfucker, M-D! [Big Outro — gospel choir, full horns, hand claps] (Buttfucker! M-D!) Lay your troubles on the table, child (Buttfucker! M-D!) He'll adjust your soul and drive you wild (Buttfucker! M-D!) No appointment needed, walk right in (Buttfucker! M-D!) The nude physician is your dearest friend [Spoken Outro — tearful, trembling] ...and when they ask who healed me... I'll say his name through the tears... Doctor... John... Buttfucker... M.D. [Falsetto scream, held, fading] EM... DEEEEEEEEE
