[Pre-verse] NeoNerd was on the way home It was a rough afternoon after a hard days work He was sitting in the bus, just trying to get home And a large man came and sat right next to him. And then opened up a packet of cookies. [Verse 1] Great, this dude looks hungry I hope he only has one But that look in his eyes Says he gonna devour them all Oh my god, do you hear that? Listen to him breathin' heavily And the smack of his lips Does he have to chew with his mouth open too? I can't take it I knew I shoulda packed earbuds today This guy is fuckin' gross Did he have to eat next to me? I can't stand it That sound It's fuckin' piercing right through my head Selfish prick, doesn't think about anyone else but him Would anyone care if I punched him? Square in the mouth Just enough to shut him up I wouldn't do it too hard Would it work? Would it be enough? Doesn't he deserve more? He's fuckin' drivin' me crazy! My boots are steel-toed Those work great against flesh That would surely shut him up Or at least stop that noise Nah, I probly shouldn't I don't feel like doin' time Consider yourself lucky Guess I'm the one who gotta move [Break] [Pre-verse 2] The very next day, NeoNerd was in the doctor's waiting room. Just a routine checkup, but today was the worst day to have chosen He sat down, waited for his name to be called Then a man sat next to him, with tissue in his hand [Verse 2] Here we go, this guy looks sick Thanks for sittin' next to me, prick I can already hear the rattle in ya nose And that tissue is just there for show Coughin' and splutterin', that's fine But you got a much bigger issue What about that shit in ya nose? you wanna do somethin' about that?! You got tissues in ya hand you brought a whole fuckin' box too why won't you blow it out Just fuckin' purge it, nobody wants to hear that sound Oh, great, here come another one A little brat. It's all drippin' down his face too Not a tissue in sight I can't fuckin' stand it! That sound! It's drivin' me insane! Where is the doctor? I need him to take me away I hope your both here to get euthanised Your selfishness is crazy to me Do you not care about how you sound Just blow your fuckin' nose It ain't hard, takes two seconds And then the boogers go away And I can stop goin' crazy It would be nice just this one time Oh, Mr. NeoNerd?! THAT'S ME! Thank you my fuckin' saviour You got anythin' for crazy? [Break] [pre-Verse 3] NeoNerd finally got a day to himself At least, that's what he thought He forgot family was visiting For dinner [Verse 3] OK, these guys is family. You love 'em. Remember that They can't help the sounds they make They gotta eat, just like you You can survive this, it's true. Oh great, crunchy food, that's just what I need Even over the sounds of my own chewin' I can still hear you It's fine. You can do it No need to make a scene Eating dinner doesn't take that long You only gotta survive for a while It's already driving me crazy, all three of them, chewin aloud Not one of them quiet Do they not know me at all?! It's fine, you know the anger is irrational Just sit through it Remember, you love these people [Breakdown] WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! WE ALL GREW UP TOGETHER i'VE MENTIONED IT A THOUSAND TIMES YOU KNOW WHAT IT GET'S ME LIKE JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH IT AIN'T HARD EAT QUIET JUST LIKE I DO WHY DO YOU GOTTA MAKE SO MUCH FUCKIN' NOISE!? [Outro] NeoNerd spent weeks trying to apologise for his outburst. Understandably, nobody ever invited him for dinner again
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