[Intro] (8 bars) [verse 1] There’s a terrible mess On the shores of Loch Ness, Where the monster’s been chucking her bones. There’s bonnets and sporrans Now looking quite foreign, And a pile of chewed-up phones. [verse 2] There’s old socks and shoes And bits of canoes And they’ve turned a bit slimy and green. There’s flippers and goggles And venture scouts’ woggles And the fins from a small submarine. [chorus] It’s too messy for Nessie She likes pieces and parts. She’s not cruel she’s not mean Just a monster at heart. If you paddle or scuba Or sail past her nose, You might come back as flippers Or goggles, or toes… [Instrumental] (8 bars) [verse 3] There’s some camera gear That piled up over years, That’s been rusting away on the shores. And there once lived a man On the shores in a van, But now all that is left are the doors. [verse 4] Now you might think Nessie Is terribly messy, With her rubbish and piles of bones. So stop tryin’ to watch her And stop tryin’ to catch her, It’s her place, just leave her alone. [chorus] Oh it’s too messy for Nessie And the shoreline’s a sight But the mess was all swimming Just the other day’s night. Those boots had a walker That canoe had a chap And that van had a fellow Who just fancied a nap… [Instrumental] (16 bars) [Bridge] Every sock and each shoe Had a leg in it once. Every phone was attached To a well-meaning dunce. If you swim in her kitchen You’ll end up as her tea, And the bones float back up For the world all to see. [chorus] Oh it’s too messy for Nessie But she likes all her treats. She’s not messy by nature It’s the folks that she eats. She’s not stackin’ up clutter She’s not slovenly no, She’s just terrible at tidyin’ After eating... a bloke [outro] [Instrumental] (16 bars) [end]
