[INTRO] La-La-la. This is not advice. Oh no. Not legal, not financial... Not even sane. Just a fairytale for grown-ups. Our hero? A figment with no credentials. Just crayons, sarcasm, and a whiteboard. [VERSE I] Now Listen here, Boogie Bear. Did you donate at the grocery store again? Rang up your total, Slapped on a dollar— “For the children.” You felt warm. You felt useful... You should have felt played. Fooled. Scamm'd. You did not donate. Walmart did. Under their name. With your money, Honey Bunny. And then — They wrote it off. Yes, Baby Dove. Your generosity… Lowered their tax bill. That is right, Gummy-bite. Every time you donate through a billionaire — You are really just paying their taxes for them. [VERSE II] Now let us talk about state taxes, Baby Boo-Boo. Here is the part they do not want you to know: Most states let you reduce your taxes — By donating to eligible charities. Keyword... You. Not MegaCorp. Not Daddy Bezos. Not Frilly Foundation of Glorious Greed. ...You. Now consider this: Find out what you owe in state tax this year. Not Federal... State. They are different. Do not get them confused, Tootie Snooze. Now let's say you owe six hundred in State taxes. You can donate six hundred to a state-approved caws — Like: Schools, Food banks, Shelters, Environmental cleanups — Then receive a credit and apply it to your tax bill. That is right, Gummy Bite. If you give it to the State they will just distribute scraps and pocket the rest. Force them to put your money where you want it... um... Apple... Bonnet?... Yes. Apple Bonnet. Thinking of cute baby nicknames is not easy, Sneezy Face. Now where was I... Oh, yes. You just redirected your taxes, Twinkle-Toes. It is legal. It is public. It is easy. And billionaires already do it constantly. Pop Quiz! Put on your thinking cap, Captain Stinky-pants! Do you want your donations to pay for the billionaires’ taxes — Or do you want your donations to pay your taxes? Think really hard! This is a tough one, Bubble Bun. Still not sure? Okay. Look at it like this, Cookie Crisp: [VERSE III] Billionaires love to say: “We donated thousands to help hurricane survivors!” But what they really mean is: “We harvested thousands from customers and pressured, underpaid employees. We slapped our name on it. Wrote it off and used their money to pay no tax." They did not sacrifice. You did. They used your kindness as a shield from the IRS. All while pretending to be noble. You are the chicken nugget — They are the sauce thief. [VERSE IV] Here is how you fight back, Little-Snack: Step one: Never donate through billionaires. Not at the register. Not in the drive-through. Not when a corporation “matches” your donation — That is branding, not benevolence. Step two: Calculate your owed state tax and look up which charities in your state Qualify for tax credit donations. Some offer up to Fifty to a One hundred Percent Credit depending on if you want to break even — or can afford to be more generous. They will list them. It is not a secret. Even you can do it, Droolie Lip. Step three: Donate directly. Under your name. Save the receipt. Put it on your taxes. Watch your bill shrink Like a billionaire’s empathy. Step four: Smile. Because now they cannot use your good heart as a tax shelter. [VERSE V] "But X-I-X," you whimper, "What if I do not want to skip my taxes?" Oh, Grumplestiltskin. You are not skipping anything. You are reallocating. The state still gets the result it pretends it wanted: Schools funded, Roads paved, People helped. It just does not get to launder it through a billionaire first. And yes — If everyone did this? The billionaire tax trick collapses. They cannot write off donations that they did not collect. They must choose: Donate from their own pocket — or pay their actual tax bill. Either way — You win, Baby-belly! [VERSE VI] Here is where it gets delicious. Now say a charity you love Is not on the approved list. Guess what? You can still donate to them. State write-off? Maybe not. Federal deduction? Still possible. Moral impact? Absolutely. If enough people do it together? Those charities get added To the approved lists. That is right, you little Pudding Pop. The list is public. The list is political. And the public? ...Is you. Congratulations. You are now accidentally a lobbyist. [BRIDGE] Never donate through billionaires. Make them donate from their own wallet… Or pay their own taxes — just like you do. Force the government To donate your state taxes To the charity or charities of your choice. That is it. That is the whole thing. Redirect. Reclaim. Refuse to be used. Do research. Ask AI for help. Talk to an expert. [OUTRO] Now you know, Piggy-toes. You are not helpless, Boogie Nose. You are not small. You are just surrounded by very shiny lies. Not anymore. Now you know how to break the game. Share this song. Steal it. Spread the word. This only works… if everyone knows. Goodnight, my little deduction. Sleep tight. File early. Kisses! Muah!
