[Intro] (Rhythmic tapping on guitar body) (Soft, breathy vocalizing) One, two, three, four... [Verse 1] The factory floor was humming with a nine-to-five routine I was leaning near the gear-shaft of the heavy-duty machine Just a loose thread on my denim, a split-second out of place Then the torque took hold of everything and vanished without a trace There was a sound like snapping celery, a sudden burst of heat I looked down and saw my manhood lying messy at my feet Between the piston and the pulley, in the oily iron teeth I lost the pride and joy that used to hang down underneath [Pre-Chorus] The foreman turned the power off, the sirens started screaming I was staring at the ceiling tiles, I thought that I was dreaming But the surgeon said, "Be grateful, son, you're lucky to be living" Even if the gear-box took much more than it was giving [Chorus] And I’m unique now, baby, I’m a different kind of man I’m as aerodynamic as a shiny soda can No more snagging on my zipper, no more friction in the breeze Just a porcelain-smooth surface from my belly to my knees I’m a masterpiece of absence, I’m a biological flaw But I’m the prettiest disaster that the trauma ward ever saw (Yeah, I’m unique now) [Verse 2] I used to worry 'bout the shape of it, the length or if it’s straight Now I’ve got a gentle slope where once there was a heavy weight The nurses gathered 'round to see the miracle of skin Where the hydraulic press had folded all the outside parts back in It’s a patchwork quilt of graftings, taken from my inner thigh The colors don't quite match up, but I look myself in the eye And I don't miss the plumbing or the way it used to hang Not since the day the industrial rotor went off with a bang [Pre-Chorus] The compensation check arrived, six figures in the mail For the part of me that ended up inside a bio-hazard pail And though I’ll never have a family or a son to call my own I’ve got the smoothest silhouette that any man has ever known [Chorus] And I’m unique now, baby, I’m a different kind of man I’m as aerodynamic as a shiny soda can No more snagging on my zipper, no more friction in the breeze Just a porcelain-smooth surface from my belly to my knees I’m a masterpiece of absence, I’m a biological flaw But I’m the prettiest disaster that the trauma ward ever saw [Bridge] (Guitar building with loop pedal layers) (Vocal harmonies swelling) They say that what defines a man is the courage in his chest But I’ve got plenty room for courage now that I have cleared the rest No more testicular torsion, no more hydrocele or pain Just a flat and fleshy wasteland where the gears have left a stain (Where the gears have left a stain!) [Final Chorus] Oh, I’m unique now, baby, I’m a different kind of man I’m as aerodynamic as a shiny soda can No more snagging on my zipper, no more friction in the breeze Just a porcelain-smooth surface from my belly to my knees I’m a masterpiece of absence, I’m a biological flaw But I’m the prettiest disaster that the trauma ward ever saw [Outro] (Soft acoustic strumming fades) Yeah, I'm just a different shape of you One hundred percent smooth No bumps, no lumps Just me... and the settlement money (Gentle percussive tap) (End)
