The night the aliens picked me up I was sittin’ on a porch cooler a drinkin’, smoke’n and a toking Their spaceship landed in my landlord’s pasture Scared the cows and woke the shit of curiosity in me up They said, “Buddy, we’re kinda lost here” In a clickity clackity voice that I understood HA!!, “Boys, me too, welcome to cluelessville They asked if I knew where Earth was headed I said, “Wow, Boy! Not a clue, but it’s a laugh a minute shit show.” Chorus The night the aliens picked me up I learned the universe ain’t got it figured out They crossed a million galaxies Still drove around in circles’ full of where are we doubt I asked ‘em all the questions That a curious high fool might And every answer only proved They’re just as lost as a you and me Verse 2 I said, “Have y’all met God in your travels?” They said, “No, can’t say we have” I said, “That’s too bad, he might’ve helped ya’all With your interstellar lost in space blues.” About then my stomach started growlin’ They handed me a mystery brew Looked like beef jerky in a Slurpee But I drank the whole sludge thing through Chorus The night the aliens picked me up I learned good manners stretch through space and time If a stranger feeds you a slurpy jerky You just smile and say I thank you kindly alien sir They said, “It’s a new local delicacy” I said, “Wow, lucky me” ’Cause it tasted like a truck-stop milkshake Mixed with an old well used work boot Bridge I said, “Can y’all drop me off in Milwaukee?” They said, “Sure, we’ll beam you there.” I said, “That’s mighty southernly kind of you” You’re like the Uber of space Then I asked, “Am I the first human Y’all have ever brought aboard?” They got real quiet for a second And then said, “Actually… no.” I said, “Who was first?” They pointed at my jerky slurpy big GULP cup Final Chorus The night the aliens picked me up I found out slurpy jerky had a name I said, “Hold on, was that a person?!!” They said, “Yep, and you’ll be the same.” I said, “Dang, I kinda had plans A wife, a mortgage, credit cards not to pay” They said, “Sorry, friend, the universe has different plans for you” Outro So if a UFO pulls up beside you And offers you a free ride through the stars Ask a lot fewer questions than I did… And definitely don’t eat the slurpy jerky. 🎵
