I Haven't Lost You, I Keep Finding You Somewhere Else

Cinematic soul-folk journey that visibly evolves through grief into celebration, wonder and forward motion, Mature intimate lead vocal, Begin with exposed piano, acoustic guitar and spacious room tone; fragile, reflective delivery, Slowly introduce warm cello, bass and brushed percussion as realization begins, At “And then I remembered laughing, ” noticeably brighten the harmony and rhythm, “So turn it up” launches an organic joyful lift: live drums, handclaps, gospel organ, strings, warm choir and playful human energy without becoming cheesy, “How unbelievably lucky were we?” should feel euphoric through tears, Final third becomes expansive, rhythmic and life-affirming, like driving toward an unknown horizon, Then gradually strip instrumentation away during the final curiosity section, End unresolved and luminous, with the final line nearly alone, Grief is not defeated; it becomes one color among joy, gratitude, curiosity and love, Approx, 6–7 min

I used to think that losing you
Meant learning how to leave you
Like healing was a finish line
Where I wouldn't need to need you

Like someday I would wake up
And your absence wouldn't ache
Like getting better somehow meant
Giving back the space you take

Some days I still reach for you
Before remembering you're gone
Some days the room gets quiet
And the quiet lasts too long

And I won't call that weakness
I won't hurry it away
Love this big was always going
To leave something when it changed

But maybe I had it backwards
Maybe love was never weight
Maybe I don't have to lose you
Just because you couldn't stay

I can carry what you gave me
Without carrying only pain
I can let the way you loved me
Teach me how to love again

Not replace you
Not erase you
Not pretend I'm finally through

Just let something beautiful
Keep traveling
Because once
It traveled through you

And then I remembered laughing

God, we laughed

The stupid kind
The can't-breathe kind
The tears-running-down-your-face kind

And for the first time in a while
I didn't feel guilty when I smiled

I let it happen

Maybe that's part of loving you too

Maybe every memory
Doesn't have to hurt

Maybe some of them
Are still allowed to dance

So turn it up

Let the kitchen become a dance floor
Let the windows hear us sing
Wear the shirt they always loved
Do that ridiculous little thing

Order what they would've ordered
Tell the story one more time
Laugh before you reach the ending
Because everybody knows the line

Say their name

Let it sound like love
And not only like goodbye

Because they lived

They were here

And holy hell
Wasn't that something?

Out of everybody
In this enormous spinning world
We got to know them

We got their mornings
Their bad jokes
Their stubbornness
Their sleepy eyes

Their paws across the hallway
Their voice across the phone
Their hand inside our own

However love arrived

It arrived

How lucky were we?

How unbelievably lucky
Were we?

I can carry what you gave me
And now I understand
It isn't only memory
When it changes who I am

So I'll be softer with the tired
I'll be patient with the slow
I'll ask somebody how they're doing
And stay long enough to know

I'll hold the elevator open
I'll call someone I've missed
I'll stop saving all my loving
For some better time than this

Maybe I can't hold you anymore

But I can hold the door

Maybe I can't hear you anymore

But I can hear somebody out

Maybe I can't walk beside you

But I can walk beside someone
Who thinks they're walking all alone

And they'll never know your name

They'll never know
That somewhere in the kindness
Was a little piece of you

But I will

I'll know exactly where it started

And suddenly
The world feels different

Because you're not only behind me

Look at this

Somehow
You're ahead of me too

In people I haven't met yet
In places I haven't been
In choices I haven't made yet
In whatever happens next

And—

Wait

Maybe I've been saying this wrong

I haven't lost you

I keep finding you
Somewhere else

In the patience I didn't have before
In the stranger I stopped to help
In a laugh that sounds like something
I thought I'd never hear again

In the part of me you changed
That keeps changing everything else

There you are

So maybe today
I'll take the long way home

Maybe tomorrow
I'll try something I've never tried

Maybe I'll laugh too loudly
Maybe I'll fall in love with being alive

Not because nothing happened

Because everything did

Because I learned
How quickly ordinary becomes precious

And I don't want to miss
The ordinary anymore

So here's to sunlight through the windshield
Here's to coffee getting cold
Here's to strangers becoming stories
Here's to getting beautifully old

Here's to dancing badly
Here's to calling first
Here's to crying when it comes
And laughing when it works

Here's to being unfinished

Here's to changing our minds

Here's to whatever purpose
Might be waiting farther down the line

I don't know what happens next

And for once
That doesn't scare me

It makes me curious

Because I loved you

Because you loved me

Because somehow
I'm still becoming

And wherever this road goes now

I'll bring what you gave me

I'll bring the grief when it needs me

I'll bring the laughter when it finds me

I'll bring the love everywhere I can

And maybe tomorrow
Something beautiful happens

Maybe it doesn't

Maybe something strange does

Maybe somebody needs me

Maybe I need them

Maybe there's another turn
I can't see from here

Good

I don't need to see it yet

I'm still going

And a little bit of yours

Gets there
Before I do

4578/7500

I used to think that losing you Meant learning how to leave you Like healing was a finish line Where I wouldn't need to need you Like someday I would wake up And your absence wouldn't ache Like getting better somehow meant Giving back the space you take Some days I still reach for you Before remembering you're gone Some days the room gets quiet And the quiet lasts too long And I won't call that weakness I won't hurry it away Love this big was always going To leave something when it changed But maybe I had it backwards Maybe love was never weight Maybe I don't have to lose you Just because you couldn't stay I can carry what you gave me Without carrying only pain I can let the way you loved me Teach me how to love again Not replace you Not erase you Not pretend I'm finally through Just let something beautiful Keep traveling Because once It traveled through you And then I remembered laughing God, we laughed The stupid kind The can't-breathe kind The tears-running-down-your-face kind And for the first time in a while I didn't feel guilty when I smiled I let it happen Maybe that's part of loving you too Maybe every memory Doesn't have to hurt Maybe some of them Are still allowed to dance So turn it up Let the kitchen become a dance floor Let the windows hear us sing Wear the shirt they always loved Do that ridiculous little thing Order what they would've ordered Tell the story one more time Laugh before you reach the ending Because everybody knows the line Say their name Let it sound like love And not only like goodbye Because they lived They were here And holy hell Wasn't that something? Out of everybody In this enormous spinning world We got to know them We got their mornings Their bad jokes Their stubbornness Their sleepy eyes Their paws across the hallway Their voice across the phone Their hand inside our own However love arrived It arrived How lucky were we? How unbelievably lucky Were we? I can carry what you gave me And now I understand It isn't only memory When it changes who I am So I'll be softer with the tired I'll be patient with the slow I'll ask somebody how they're doing And stay long enough to know I'll hold the elevator open I'll call someone I've missed I'll stop saving all my loving For some better time than this Maybe I can't hold you anymore But I can hold the door Maybe I can't hear you anymore But I can hear somebody out Maybe I can't walk beside you But I can walk beside someone Who thinks they're walking all alone And they'll never know your name They'll never know That somewhere in the kindness Was a little piece of you But I will I'll know exactly where it started And suddenly The world feels different Because you're not only behind me Look at this Somehow You're ahead of me too In people I haven't met yet In places I haven't been In choices I haven't made yet In whatever happens next And— Wait Maybe I've been saying this wrong I haven't lost you I keep finding you Somewhere else In the patience I didn't have before In the stranger I stopped to help In a laugh that sounds like something I thought I'd never hear again In the part of me you changed That keeps changing everything else Oh There you are So maybe today I'll take the long way home Maybe tomorrow I'll try something I've never tried Maybe I'll laugh too loudly Maybe I'll fall in love with being alive Not because nothing happened Because everything did Because I learned How quickly ordinary becomes precious And I don't want to miss The ordinary anymore So here's to sunlight through the windshield Here's to coffee getting cold Here's to strangers becoming stories Here's to getting beautifully old Here's to dancing badly Here's to calling first Here's to crying when it comes And laughing when it works Here's to being unfinished Here's to changing our minds Here's to whatever purpose Might be waiting farther down the line I don't know what happens next And for once That doesn't scare me It makes me curious Because I loved you Because you loved me Because somehow I'm still becoming And wherever this road goes now I'll bring what you gave me I'll bring the grief when it needs me I'll bring the laughter when it finds me I'll bring the love everywhere I can And maybe tomorrow Something beautiful happens Maybe it doesn't Maybe something strange does Maybe somebody needs me Maybe I need them Maybe there's another turn I can't see from here Good I don't need to see it yet I'm still going And a little bit of yours Gets there Before I do

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