# The Duck Invasion [Intro — spoken] “Why is the bathroom yellow?” ... **QUACK.** “Oh, bloody hell.” [Verse 1] Ducks on the staircase, Ducks in the hall, One in the bathtub, Three on the wall. One stole a biscuit, One stole my shoe, One’s in the kettle— “WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!” [Pre-Chorus] Nobody panic, Nobody run, Why has that duck Got hold of a drum? [Chorus] It’s a rubber-duck invasion, They’ve taken over the house! Quacking through the corridors, While the ghosts are freaking out. But monsters stick together, So grab some tea and join the crew. If you’re strange, lost or slightly mad— There’s still a place for you. [Verse 2 — Vampire] The vampire sees a rubber duck, Lets out a tiny scream, Jumps straight onto the kitchen chair And drops his cup of cream. “GET IT AWAY! IT KNOWS MY NAME!” He points with shaking hands. The duck goes— **QUACK.** He hisses back, “THIS MEANS WAR, YOU YELLOW FIEND!” [Verse 3] Skeleton’s laughing so hard His left arm hits the floor. A ghost floats through the ceiling yelling, “THERE’S FIFTY BLOODY MORE!” One duck’s wearing sunglasses, One’s stolen someone’s hat, And one is riding proudly On the back of a confused black cat. [Pre-Chorus] Thunder outside, Purple moon above, Absolute chaos— But the house is full of love. [Chorus] It’s a rubber-duck invasion, They’ve taken over the house! Quacking through the corridors, While the ghosts are freaking out. But monsters stick together, So grab some tea and join the crew. If you’re strange, lost or slightly mad— There’s still a place for you. [Bridge — spoken chaos] “Right. Nobody panic.” **QUACK.** “I SAID NOBODY PANIC!” “WHY IS THERE ONE IN MY COFFIN?!” **QUACK.** “STOP ANSWERING ME!” [Build] Ducks in the pantry, Ducks on the stairs, Ducks in the curtains, Ducks everywhere. Someone save the biscuits, Someone save the cake— Too late. The ducks have formed A conga line across the landing. [Final Chorus] It’s a rubber-duck invasion, Let the whole old mansion shake! Monsters dancing, ghosts are laughing, Someone save the bloody cake! We’re weird and loud together, And that’s exactly what we do. Tea with monsters, ducks and mayhem— And there’s a place for you. [Outro] “Are they gone?” ... **QUACK.** “No.” The vampire whispers, “I’m moving out.” Another duck lands in his lap. **QUACK.** “...I’m moving countries.” “Put the kettle on.”
