[Intro – bright crunchy guitar riff, bouncing bass, punchy drums] [Verse 1 – playful melodic female punk vocal] Walk into the shop, know roughly what I want, Not enough to ask somebody, just enough to wander round. Take about six fucking steps, guy appears beside a shelf: “Hi there! Can I help you find something?” No, thanks. I'm good myself. Turn the corner. Look at jackets. Pick one up and check the tag. Second person materialises like I've triggered some alarm. “Finding everything okay?” Yep. “Need another size?” Nope. “Just let me know!” I will. I promise. Please let me fucking browse. [Pre-Chorus – playful build] I'm not lost. I'm not confused. I'm not silently crying for aid. I just wanna look at something without forming a fucking relationship. [Chorus – big upbeat punk vocal] I'M JUST LOOKING! THAT'S ALL I'M TRYING TO DO! I DON'T NEED A GUIDED FUCKING TOUR! I DON'T NEED HELP FROM YOU! I'M JUST LOOKING! GIVE ME THIRTY SECONDS, PLEASE! IF I NEED SOMEBODY LATER— I WILL ASK! I KNOW HOW THAT FUCKING WORKS! [Bright melodic guitar hook] [Verse 2 – quick rhythmic vocal] Third aisle. Another question. “Anything particular today?” Starting to suspect they've got a rota just to keep me entertained. “No, I'm fine.” Smile politely. Walk away and carry on. Then I finally find the thing I've actually been looking for. Perfect. Right one. Last one. Sitting way above my head. Little tag says, “Please ask staff for assistance.” Excellent. I am prepared. Turn around. Nobody. Look behind me. Nobody. Where the fuck did everybody go? Thirty seconds back I had an escort. Now I'm apparently alone. [Chorus – fuller] I WAS JUST LOOKING! NOW I ACTUALLY NEED YOU HERE! I'VE GOT MONEY! I'VE GOT QUESTIONS! I'VE GOT NO FUCKING STAFF NEAR! I WAS JUST LOOKING! YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE! NOW I'M READY TO BUY SOMETHING— AND YOU'VE ALL FUCKING GONE! [Instrumental Break – lively melodic guitar lead, prominent bass] [Verse 3 – increasingly animated melodic vocal] Walk toward the counter. Counter's empty. Wait a minute. Wait some more. Hear two people talking somewhere behind an Employees Only door. Try the next aisle. Nothing. Try the first one once again. Where's the bloke who asked three times if he could fucking help me then? Finally see someone in the distance. Make eye contact. Here we go. They immediately turn a corner. Oh, you have got to be joking. Follow them around the shelving. Gone. How?! This isn't even a big shop! [Shout-sung] WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HIDING?! [Chorus – energetic] I'M DONE LOOKING! I HAVE FOUND THE FUCKING THING! I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO PURCHASE IT! THAT'S HOW SHOPS ARE MEANT TO WORK! I'M DONE LOOKING! I HAVE REACHED THE FINAL STAGE! PLEASE PROVIDE ONE FUCKING EMPLOYEE SO I CAN GIVE THIS PLACE MY WAGE! [Bridge – warm cheeky melodic vocal] Then somebody appears. “Hi! Sorry about the wait. Were you looking for assistance?” I look at them. Look at the shelf. Look back. Deep breath. Yes. Yes, I fucking was. [Final Chorus – huge joyful punk vocal] I'M NOT LOOKING! WE'VE MOVED BEYOND THAT NOW! I FOUND THE THING! I WANT THE THING! PLEASE JUST GET THE FUCKING THING DOWN! I'M NOT LOOKING! WE HAVE FINALLY REACHED THE END! YOU ASKED ME IF I NEEDED HELP— [Shout-sung] CONGRATULATIONS! YES! I FUCKING DO! [Final upbeat guitar riff] [Outro – relaxed melodic vocal] Paid. Bagged. Walking out. “Need any help with that?” ... Don't.
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