Auld Jock An' The Gender Shock

Scottish folk comedy, hilarious, quirqy, male vocals, heavy Scottish accent, 110 bpm, jaunty, toe tapping, acoustic guitar, fiddle comic fills, bodhran, tin whistle, upright bass, accordeon, solos between segments

[Full band intro with optional accordion for that ceilidh flavour]

Auld Jock frae Glenbogle way
Read his Bible night and day 
Ne'er left the kirk or the farm nae way
Till his knee went twang and he began to sway

Doctor said ye'll need specialist the best 
So Jock went south for medical test 
Wi' his kilt pressed sharp an' chest all blessed
To that toon where his head got messed
[Chorus]

Och aye the city's wierd these days
Wi' lads in skirts and lassies in Jays
He said by thunder I cannae tell
Who's courtin' who but ah wish 'em well
He clutched his cane and near went pale
Said Heaven help this modern tale
Auld Jock frae Glenbogle stock
In Glasgow met the gender shock
[Instrumental solo quirky funny tongue in cheek melody]
[Verse]
He asked the nurse wi' purple hair
Are ye lad or lass or halfway there
She laughed Dinnae mind and asked what's yer gender
Jock lifted his kilt an' said ye tell me it's a mind bender

Then the doctor walked in wi' sparkly nails
Jock said Lord these are strange new tales
In my day men wore boots and sharp blades 
No' glittery pink wi' tight trousers and shades
[Chorus]
Och aye the city's weird these days 
Wi' lads in lace and lassies easy lays
He said the world's gone mad to each his own
I'll stick wi' Adam and Eve the way aye grown
He raised his hat and bowed his fogged up head
Asked God's mercy for Jock and Glasgow' home bred
Auld Jock frae Glenbogle stock
Barely survived the gender shock
[Instrumental solo jaunty toe tapping quirky funny melody]
[Bridge spoken comically]
Aye I asked the waiter for a he or she
He said just call me thay that's me
So I said fair play thay bring me tea
And nae soy milk I'm from Dundee
[Final Chorus]
Och aye the world spins fast indeed
Wi' fancy folk and wierd creed
But Jock said God's word still for me true
An' I'll nae judge what folk do
He played his bagpipes with highland pride
And hobbled home wi' holy fear and faith inside
Auld Jock frae Glenbogle stock
Still chucklin at the gender shock
[Instrumental finale bouncy comical quirky]

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[Full band intro with optional accordion for that ceilidh flavour] Auld Jock frae Glenbogle way Read his Bible night and day Ne'er left the kirk or the farm nae way Till his knee went twang and he began to sway Doctor said ye'll need specialist the best So Jock went south for medical test Wi' his kilt pressed sharp an' chest all blessed To that toon where his head got messed [Chorus] Och aye the city's wierd these days Wi' lads in skirts and lassies in Jays He said by thunder I cannae tell Who's courtin' who but ah wish 'em well He clutched his cane and near went pale Said Heaven help this modern tale Auld Jock frae Glenbogle stock In Glasgow met the gender shock [Instrumental solo quirky funny tongue in cheek melody] [Verse] He asked the nurse wi' purple hair Are ye lad or lass or halfway there She laughed Dinnae mind and asked what's yer gender Jock lifted his kilt an' said ye tell me it's a mind bender Then the doctor walked in wi' sparkly nails Jock said Lord these are strange new tales In my day men wore boots and sharp blades No' glittery pink wi' tight trousers and shades [Chorus] Och aye the city's weird these days Wi' lads in lace and lassies easy lays He said the world's gone mad to each his own I'll stick wi' Adam and Eve the way aye grown He raised his hat and bowed his fogged up head Asked God's mercy for Jock and Glasgow' home bred Auld Jock frae Glenbogle stock Barely survived the gender shock [Instrumental solo jaunty toe tapping quirky funny melody] [Bridge spoken comically] Aye I asked the waiter for a he or she He said just call me thay that's me So I said fair play thay bring me tea And nae soy milk I'm from Dundee [Final Chorus] Och aye the world spins fast indeed Wi' fancy folk and wierd creed But Jock said God's word still for me true An' I'll nae judge what folk do He played his bagpipes with highland pride And hobbled home wi' holy fear and faith inside Auld Jock frae Glenbogle stock Still chucklin at the gender shock [Instrumental finale bouncy comical quirky]

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