He's an IT Ass....

aggressive 90s comedy rock, Denis Leary style rant, punk rock energy, male spoken-sung vocals, raw guitar, fast tempo, a little polka and a little yodeling, spoken-word rant song, sarcastic male vocal, gritty attitude, comedic IT support rant, similar energy to Denis Leary style spoken rock, punchy drums, cynical humor, office frustration

[

Parody of Denis Leary's 1994 song - Asshole

]

[Intro | spoken word | sarcastic | building attitude | male raspy voice ]
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about proper Eye Tea  procedure
About tickets, about you
About the way our service desk hearts beat way down in the bottom of our inboxes
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our S. L. A.  compliance
Maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver of logging, maybe in the kidneys of knowledge base
Maybe even in the colon of change control, we don't know

[Verse 1 | aggressive rap-speak | fast delivery | mocking tone]
I'm just a regular tech, with a regular shift
I'm your average helpdesk drone, caffeine-fueled misfit
I like firewalls and servers and books about code
I got tickets piling up, but you bypassed the road
You call me on my cell, it's 2 AM, you're screamin'
Your email's down, the world's end, you're losin' your reason
But you didn't open a ticket, no subject, no details
Just "fix it now asshole".....yeah, that's how it feels

[Chorus | shouted | anthemic | backing gang vocals | heavy distortion guitars]
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole)
I won't reset your password (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
'Cause you skipped the damn channel (He's the world's biggest asshole)

[Verse 2 | faster rant | sarcastic emphasis | raspy snarling]
You want admin rights on your corporate laptop, huh?
You wanna install Fortnite, crack some software, what?
You forward me phishing links, say "is this legit?"
Then curse when I block it.... yeah, you're a real big hit
You create shadow IT, spin up VMs in the cloud
Then cry when billing hits and security's too high
You demand priority, "I'm the VP, you hack!"
But your ticket's still "new" .... welcome to the back of the stack

[Chorus | louder | crowd chant backing | building intensity  yodeling] 
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole)
No exceptions for execs (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
Email helpdesk@asshole.com, that's the rule, jackass!

[Bridge | spoken rant | slower build | intense | mocking laughs]
You think you're special? You think the process don't apply?
You paste your error in Teams, expect me to drop everything and cry?
I could remote in, fix it in two minutes flat
But you didn't log the ticket.....  so sit on that!
Why don't you just shut up and submit the goddamn form, pal?

[Verse 3 | rapid fire | angry punk energy | growled inflections]
Sometimes I close tickets as "user error, no repro"
While executives make executive faces, turnin' red, yo
I use multi-factor, and I enforce the policy
I walk around sayin' "Have you tried turning it off and on, see?"
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's a real fuckin' asshole)

[Final Chorus | huge | gang shouts | full band crash | triumphant asshole energy]
[I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
[yodeling] Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E

[Outro | spoken fade | proud defiant | barking laugh]
Yeah, I'm an asshole... and I'm proud of it!
Now open a ticket.........

3236/7500

[ Parody of Denis Leary's 1994 song - Asshole ] [Intro | spoken word | sarcastic | building attitude | male raspy voice ] Folks, I'd like to sing a song about proper Eye Tea procedure About tickets, about you About the way our service desk hearts beat way down in the bottom of our inboxes About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our S. L. A. compliance Maybe below the cockles Maybe in the sub-cockle area Maybe in the liver of logging, maybe in the kidneys of knowledge base Maybe even in the colon of change control, we don't know [Verse 1 | aggressive rap-speak | fast delivery | mocking tone] I'm just a regular tech, with a regular shift I'm your average helpdesk drone, caffeine-fueled misfit I like firewalls and servers and books about code I got tickets piling up, but you bypassed the road You call me on my cell, it's 2 AM, you're screamin' Your email's down, the world's end, you're losin' your reason But you didn't open a ticket, no subject, no details Just "fix it now asshole".....yeah, that's how it feels [Chorus | shouted | anthemic | backing gang vocals | heavy distortion guitars] I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole) I won't reset your password (He's an asshole, what an asshole) 'Cause you skipped the damn channel (He's the world's biggest asshole) [Verse 2 | faster rant | sarcastic emphasis | raspy snarling] You want admin rights on your corporate laptop, huh? You wanna install Fortnite, crack some software, what? You forward me phishing links, say "is this legit?" Then curse when I block it.... yeah, you're a real big hit You create shadow IT, spin up VMs in the cloud Then cry when billing hits and security's too high You demand priority, "I'm the VP, you hack!" But your ticket's still "new" .... welcome to the back of the stack [Chorus | louder | crowd chant backing | building intensity yodeling] I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole) No exceptions for execs (He's an asshole, what an asshole) Email [email protected], that's the rule, jackass! [Bridge | spoken rant | slower build | intense | mocking laughs] You think you're special? You think the process don't apply? You paste your error in Teams, expect me to drop everything and cry? I could remote in, fix it in two minutes flat But you didn't log the ticket..... so sit on that! Why don't you just shut up and submit the goddamn form, pal? [Verse 3 | rapid fire | angry punk energy | growled inflections] Sometimes I close tickets as "user error, no repro" While executives make executive faces, turnin' red, yo I use multi-factor, and I enforce the policy I walk around sayin' "Have you tried turning it off and on, see?" I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's a real fuckin' asshole) [Final Chorus | huge | gang shouts | full band crash | triumphant asshole energy] [I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) A-S-S-H-O-L-E [yodeling] Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E [Outro | spoken fade | proud defiant | barking laugh] Yeah, I'm an asshole... and I'm proud of it! Now open a ticket.........

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