I try so hard to stay away, With every ounce of heart and soul. I wanted to hear your voice again, To hear what I had missed back then. I knew that I was hurting you, But not how much I'd put you through. I thought I knew the pain I'd caused, Until your words revealed the cost. [Verse 1 – Restrained] I swore I'd never be that man, Still made the choices that I made. I thought I had the best intentions, While I watched us slip away. Lost inside my own head, But I can't use that as a shield; What I meant and what I did Were never quite the same thing. The drugs could drown the noise at night, But never make the wrongs turn right. Now all the thoughts I buried rise, And I can't look away this time. [Chorus – Guitar swelling] I feel nothing, I feel it all, One moment standing, the next I fall. A thousand thoughts inside my head, A thousand things I wish I'd said. How can I be numb When every nerve is raw? How can I feel so empty And still feel it all? I feel nothing... And I feel it all. [Verse 2 – Softer, searching] When I lost my mom, I fell so deep Into a pit without an end. But the hole I fell into for you Had a little light within. So I climbed down through every scar, Every memory in the dark, Thinking I might find the bottom, Or the ruins of my heart. And there I found compassion, The love I thought I'd lost. I thought I was searching for you— But I found the boy I was. [Pre-Chorus – Building] They saw me through a tiny door; You took a hammer to the wall. Broke through every layer I wore, And found the child beneath it all. [Bridge – Vulnerable, rising] I called myself Mat to hide my shame, Wore my confidence like armor. I acted like I'd conquer worlds, While wondering if I'd ever be enough. My mother knew the boy inside, And somehow, so did you. The one you fell in love with Was the one I kept from view. His name was Michael. Not the armor, not the pride. Just a shy and frightened boy With so much love locked up inside. And when he found you, all that love Finally had somewhere to go. You gave my life a meaning I had never known before. But finding him again won't change The things I chose to do. I have to keep what's good in him And change what hurt you, too. [Verse 3 – Warm, then aching] And there's another little boy Who gives my life its meaning too. He's in every choice I'm making, Even when I'm singing you. His little laugh at funny faces, Animal sounds and peek-a-boo, Those evil-scientist laughs I'd do— He'd laugh so hard I'd lose it too. I want to hear that laugh again, Be more than someone he once knew. A father he can count on, Not just a promise to come through. I spent so long asking how To find my way back to his life. But the answer's in the choices That I make from here tonight. [Bridge 2 – Acoustic guitar builds, growing intensity] Here stands a king in battered clothes, An empty castle, a broken throne. I called you my princess, then my queen; You called me your king—remember that dream? I would've built you a kingdom of gold, But made you feel trapped in the place called home. I thought those walls could keep us safe; They only made you want to escape. What kind of king deserves his crown If his queen can't breathe when he's around? So if these walls have to come down, I'll be the one to tear them down. [Final Chorus – Full, heartbreaking] I feel nothing, I feel it all, Still hear your voice inside these walls. And if I watched us from outside, Saw every tear behind your eyes, Would I tell that girl to try again, To trust the one who caused her pain? No... And God, that hurts to say. I know I can love you right, But that doesn't erase the times I didn't. I can change the man I am, But I can't change the life we lived in. And if you saw me at my best, Would you see the love I give— Or remember all the moments When I made you question it? [Outro – Guitar gradually softens] I don't want my love to be a burden, Or make you doubt the choice you made. It's hard to tell the whole truth Without it sounding like a plea. I wish I'd heard you when you said You needed room enough to leave. I wish I was man enough To be the one to leave. I'm not asking you to save me, Or tell me who you want me to be. You found the boy beneath the armor, And now it's time to let him breathe. [Whisper – Guitar alone] I don't know where our story goes. I only know what I must do. You saw Michael under Mat... Now I have to see him too.
