(Verse I) There sat six souls beside the fire, With ale and meat and no desire To quit the hearth or brave the rain— Yet then spoke Tom, to his great pain: “Perhaps we ought to journey hence, To Abilene! It makes good sense!” Now Tom wished not to leave his chair, But thought the others wanted there. (Chorus) So off we go to Abilene! The finest place we’d ever been! “I thought you wished it!” “Nay, thought you!” “And I went ’cause the rest would too!” Through mud and rain, through mire and mean, We march as fools to Abilene! Raise your cups and drink it down— No man wished to leave the town! (Verse II ) Old Ned said, “Aye!” though Ned said nay Inside his skull the whole damned way. Young Meg agreed, though truth be told, She liked her stew and hated cold. The miller smiled, “A splendid plan!” While thinking, Curse that foolish man. The blacksmith cried, “Then let us ride!” And quietly wished that he had died. (Chorus) So off we go to Abilene! The finest place we'd ever been! “I thought you wished it!” “Nay, thought you!” “And I went ’cause the rest would too!” Through mud and rain, through mire and mean, We march as fools to Abilene! Raise your cups and drink it down— No man wished to leave the town! (Verse III) The road was long, the horse was lame, The supper scarcely worth the name. The wine was sour, the bread was stone, And every soul wished to be home. At last they reached their hearth once more, Wet to the bone and saddle-sore. Then Meg cried out, “I’ll say it now— I never wished to leave the town!” (Verse IV) Said Ned, “Nor I!” The smith, “Nor me!” The miller shouted, Nor did he! Then every finger crossed the room Until poor Tom proclaimed their doom: “I only spoke because I thought That all of YOU the journey sought!” Six mouths fell still. Six faces froze. The jester laughed and struck a pose. (Chorus) So off we went to Abilene! The finest place we’d never been! “I thought you wished it!” “Nay, thought you!” “And I went ’cause the rest would too!” Through mud and rain, through mire and mean, We marched as fools to Abilene! Raise your cups and drink it down— No man wished to leave the town! (Bridge - Spoken) So heed me, lord, and heed me, knave, Before you nod and act so brave: When every fool cries, “As you please!” There may be no one left to please! (Final Chorus) So ere you ride to Abilene, Ask what your fellows truly mean! “Do YOU want this?” “Well, truthfully—” “Thank Heaven! Neither bloody me!” Then bar the door and pour the ale, And let imagined plans prevail! Raise your cups and toast the clown— Who asked before you left the town! HEY!
