"The Great Church Potluck Shuffle" (In the style of "The Mississippi Squirrel Revival" -- spoken word storytelling with a comedic country gospel feel) (Verse 1) Well, it was the third Sunday after Pentecost, When Pastor Dave announced what mattered most. He said, "Friends, the Lord has laid it on my heart, That fellowship and food are a spiritual art." Now nobody questioned his holy motivation, But his grocery bills had sparked the revelation. He'd been praying hard about his budget that week, And God told him casually, "Let the congregation eat." (Chorus) Oh, it's the Great Church Potluck Shuffle, Where the casseroles collide! Somebody brought a mystery dish, And nobody knows what's inside. The deacons guard the dessert table, The children guard the floor, And Pastor's got a Tupperware lid, So he can take home more! (Verse 2) Now the ladies of the kitchen, bless their faithful souls, They showed up Tuesday night with fifty buttered rolls. They ironed the tablecloths and set the paper plates, Arranged the serving spoons, wiped down all the gates. They labeled every dish with little masking tape, They pulled the folding tables off their hanging drape. They heated, stirred, and seasoned, made the sweet tea flow, Then smiled real humble when the pastor said, "Let's go!" (Spoken) Now nobody saw them set up. Nobody saw them clean. But everybody sure did eat, if you know what I mean. (Chorus) Oh, it's the Great Church Potluck Shuffle, Where the casseroles collide! Sister Martha's seven-layer dip, Has something questionable inside. The deacons guard the dessert table, The children guard the floor, And Pastor's got a Tupperware lid, So he can take home more! (Verse 3) Well, the prayer chain council gathered by the green bean tray, And somehow prayer requests turned into the news of the day. "Bless Brother Tommy's heart, I hear his truck broke down, Which is strange since his new girlfriend drove him into town." "Well let's pray for Sister Linda -- she looked tired, don't you think?" "She was up till midnight, but that's between me and this drink." They bowed their heads real solemn, clutched their cups of punch, And covered half the congregation before they broke for lunch. (Spoken) They weren't gossiping, mind you. They were interceding. There's a fine line between the two, and at a potluck, nobody's reading it. (Bridge) Now the husbands had been eyeing that dessert line since noon, Every coconut cake and every chocolate moon. They pretended to need napkins, they faked a second pass, They studied the banana pudding through the casserole glass. When the pastor said, "Let's pray before we touch that spread!" Every husband closed his eyes but kept one hand ahead. And by the time the "Amen" echoed off the fellowship hall wall, Three slices of pound cake had somehow not been there at all. (Verse 4) Now little Caleb Johnson, he was four years old, And vegetables to Caleb were a fate worse than cold. His mama fixed his plate with love and carrots, corn, and beans, And Caleb fixed it right back with some well-rehearsed scenes. He looked left, looked right, gave a sweet angelic grin, And cascaded every veggie off the folding table rim. The green beans hit the linoleum, the carrots made a sound, And Sister Ruth slipped on a pea and nearly hit the ground. (Spoken) His mama said, "Caleb James!" in that specific tone, That every child alive knows means you're going straight home. But Caleb just looked up and said, "I was feeding the floor." And honestly, nobody had a theological answer for that. (Final Chorus) Oh, it's the Great Church Potluck Shuffle, Where the casseroles collide! We came to worship Jesus, But we stayed for the other side. The prayer chain keeps on praying, The children keep the score, The ladies run the kingdom, And Pastor cleans the store! (Outro -- spoken slow) Now friend, if you've never been to a church potluck, You have missed a genuine miracle of community. Where a hundred people who barely agree on anything, Manage to agree that Sister Helen's peach cobbler, Is absolutely worth showing up for. Where husbands find religion at the dessert table, Children discover physics with the vegetable tray, And the prayer chain covers more ground in forty-five minutes, Than most news networks cover in a week. And somewhere in the kitchen, Washing the dish nobody claimed, Is a woman who never asked for a thank you, Never got a standing ovation, And somehow kept the whole thing running anyway. To her, we say Amen. (Tag) Oh, the Great Church Potluck Shuffle... Pass the rolls. Somebody pass the rolls. ...Is that cobbler? Who brought cobbler? Pastor, put the lid down.
