[Style: Fast comedic folk metal; lively female folk lead vocals; galloping distorted guitars, pounding double-bass drums, prominent fiddle, mandolin and whistles. Huge rowdy tavern-style singalong choruses. Brief spoken character dialogue. Extended dueling folk violin and neoclassical electric guitar solo with increasingly fast call-and-response runs, sweep arpeggios, harmonized leads and blazing unison finale.] [Verse 1 – Female Folk Vocal – Start Immediately] Through burning halls of brimstone Past the gates of endless night, Four battered heroes carried home The spoils of their final fight. They’d slain the twelve-eyed hydra, They’d crushed the lich’s crown, They’d kicked a giant off a bridge And watched the bastard drown. Then deep within his fortress Where the fires burned blood-red, They somehow beat the Demon King— [Wizard – Spoken, Proudly] “I told you that spell would work.” [Fighter – Spoken] “You turned his trousers into bees.” [Wizard – Spoken] “Exactly.” [Pre-Chorus – Female Folk Vocal] Now the kingdom waited for them, Every tavern stocked with ale! Four legends marched toward home again To tell their mighty tale! [Chorus – Huge Tavern Singalong] THEY BEAT THE DEMON KING! They stormed his burning throne! They fought through every monster And they made it safely home! THEY BEAT THE DEMON KING! Let every church bell chime! No creature left could stop them now— Except… A LEVEL ONE SLIME! [Verse 2 – Female Folk Vocal] It sat there in the roadway, Eight inches tall and green, The smallest little monster That the party’d ever seen. It jiggled when they spotted it. It wobbled in the sun. The rogue just started laughing— [Rogue – Spoken] “Oh, this should be fun.” The fighter drew the broadsword That had slain the Demon Lord, He swung with all his strength— And slipped. And accidentally launched his sword. [Cleric – Spoken, Distant] “OW!” [Fighter – Spoken] “Sorry!” [Slime] “Blorp.” [Pre-Chorus – Female Folk Vocal] The cleric raised her healing staff, The rogue prepared to strike, The wizard raised both hands— [Wizard – Shouting] “I CAST—!” [Entire Party – Shouting] “DON’T!” [Brief Pause] [Wizard – Offended] “Fine.” [Chorus – Huge Tavern Singalong] THEY BEAT THE DEMON KING! They stormed his burning throne! They fought through every monster And they made it safely home! THEY BEAT THE DEMON KING! Survived both fire and grime! But four great heroes met their match— Against… A LEVEL ONE SLIME! [Instrumental Break – Epic Violin & Neoclassical Guitar Duel] [Heroic folk violin launches into a blistering melody] [Electric guitar answers with a soaring neoclassical run] [Violin responds faster] [Guitar answers with sweeping arpeggios] [Rapid violin/guitar call-and-response] [Both instruments accelerate into harmonized high-speed runs] [Absurdly heroic blazing unison finale] [Verse 3 – Female Folk Vocal – Full Band Returns] The rogue attempted acrobatics, Leapt clean across the thing, Caught his cloak upon a branch And hung there by a string. The cleric rushed to help him, But stumbled on a shield, And rolled into the fighter Who went tumbling through a field. The wizard stood there watching As his comrades crashed and flew, Then slowly raised one finger— [Wizard – Spoken] “May I?” [Entire Party – Shouting] “NO!” [Wizard] “Fine.” The slime advanced an inch or two. The heroes backed away. The legendary fighter whispered— [Fighter – Nervously] “Maybe… we call it a day?” [Slime] “Blorp.” [Bridge – Building Faster] They’d battled trolls and dragons! They’d crossed the haunted sea! They’d broken ancient curses! They’d rescued royalty! They’d fought the hordes of darkness! They’d conquered space and time! But nothing had prepared them… For eight inches… OF SLIME! [Final Chorus – Full Band, Double-Time] THEY BEAT THE DEMON KING! Now raise your mugs on high! Four legendary heroes Who were FAR too great to die! THEY BEAT THE DEMON KING! Their names shall live through time! But never ask what happened when They met… THE LEVEL ONE SLIME! THE LEVEL ONE SLIME! The terror of the road! It never breathed a lick of fire, It never even glowed! THE LEVEL ONE SLIME! No claws! No teeth! No crime! It simply sat there wobbling— And somehow… BEAT THEM EVERY TIME! [Music Drops] [Wizard – Weakly, Offscreen] “I could have cast something.” [Long Pause] [Fighter – Weakly, Offscreen] “Shut up.” [Slime] “Blorp.” [Final Massive Band Hit]
