[Intro] [loose garage riff, amp hum] Found it by a bus stop, soaked to the skin, Next to half a burrito and a busted trash bin. Three chords trembling, one string shy, Little wet wreck with a fuzz-box cry. [Verse 1] Bit my boot when I bent down low, Barked in B-flat, wouldn’t let me go. Had a cracked little chorus, a crooked refrain, Smelled like cheap beer, wet fur and rain. I wrapped it in my jacket, carried it home, It scratched at the zipper, screamed at my phone. Gave it a bath, gave it a name, It shook out the water and pissed on my amp again. [Pre-Chorus - deadpan spoken, band drops out] Mom... Can I keep it? [Chorus] It ain’t house-trained, It ain’t in tune, It howls at midnight, It sleeps till noon. It bites, it barks, It won’t let me be, But the mangy little bastard Sounds just like me. [Verse 2] It chewed my picks, it chased my chords, Killed two cables, scratched three doors. Hates major sevenths, growls at pop, Kick in the metronome, it just won’t stop. Scratch-scratch-snare and a fuzz-fuzz-fit, Try to fix the bridge, it takes a shit on it. Then outta nowhere, eyes half closed, Plays one bent-note solo through its tiny black nose. [Pre-Chorus - deadpan spoken] Mom... Can I keep it? [Chorus] It ain’t house-trained, It ain’t in tune, It howls at midnight, It sleeps till noon. It bites, it barks, It won’t let me be, But the mangy little bastard Sounds just like me. [Bridge - half-spoken, drums stalking underneath] Took it to a producer. He poked it twice. “No hook.” “No polish.” “No commercial life.” He said, “Put it down.” It bit his shoe. I said, “See? It don’t like you.” [Wild crooked guitar solo - sloppy bends, feedback, almost falling apart] [Final Chorus - bigger, gang vocals] It ain’t house-trained, It ain’t in tune, It howls at midnight, It sleeps till noon. It bites, it barks, It wrecks everything, But the mangy little bastard Makes me wanna sing! No papers, no pedigree, No warranty. [Half-screamed] MOM... I'M KEEPING IT! [guitar riff] [Outro - riff slows down, one ugly final guitar squeal] ...Good boy. [amp feedback] [End]
