[Verse 1] Walk in, apron tied, everybody act nervous. Whole room smell sweet—that’s me at work, kid. You bought store-brand? Yeah… that’s adorable. Mine disappear before they ever hit the serving dish. Don’t tell me “follow recipes,” I freestyle measurements. Butter hit the bowl, that’s a full-send experiment. Brown sugar, white sugar, cinnamon settling— Whisk go rat-a-tat-tat, now the batter start flexing. (Double/Triple Time) Mixin’ it, flippin’ it, whippin’ it, stackin’ it, crackin’ it, back in the kitchen, I’m laughin’ while packin’ it. Half of you bakin’ like you need a permission slip. I’m just eyeballin’ everything—call it precision, kid. You got oven mitts… I got fingerprints. You bake cookies… I bake evidence. [Chorus] I’m the cookie bandit, catch me if you can. Whole tray gone before you wash your hands. Everybody talk until the cookies land— Then they’re fightin’ over crumbs like it’s contraband. Cookie bandit… No remorse. Cooling rack lookin’ like a crime report. You can lock the pantry… Hide the jar… I’m already three cookies ahead of where you are. [Verse 2] Buddy rolled in with oatmeal raisin. Tried to call it fire… That’s a bold statement. One bite… Whole room got silent. Even Grandma hit him with professional guidance. Mine got crispy edges, Centers melt slow. Snap on the outside, Volcano below. You brought one batch… Cute. I brought reloads. (Triple Time) Batter get battered, I scatter the chocolate, I’m back with another one fresh out the cabinet. Laughin’ because everybody swear they got discipline—five minutes later they’re askin’ what happened to half of it. Talk all that confidence… Soon as the tray hit… Everybody suddenly actin’ like savages. [Outro] Yeah… Talk tough. Till the cookies show up.
