I Accidentally Joined A Cult

electronic folk-rock, comedic storytelling, dramatic builds, absurdly theatrical, bouncy rhythm, catchy hooks, chaotic but controlled, ironic chanting, deep male vocals

I was walkin’ downtown, just killin’ some time,
Saw a sign that said "free cookies inside!"
Figured “Why not?” what could go wrong?
Now I’m wearin’ a robe and singin’ weird songs.

They said, “Brother, welcome! Take off your shoes!”
Handed me a candle and a copy of their rules.
I thought it was a joke, just some hippie scene,
Then they shaved my head and called me “The Moonbeam.”

I accidentally joined a cult,
I just wanted snacks, now I’m locked in a vault!
They took my phone, they burned my jeans,
Now I only wear white and I can’t eat beans!

Ohhh, I accidentally joined a cult,
They said I’d ascend, but I think I'm on hold!
The leader’s weird, he calls himself “Zhorre,”
And now I gotta chant every day at four.

First it was yoga, then midnight prayers,
Then they made me dance in my underwear.
They keep talkin’ ‘bout “The Great Rebirth,”
And I’m startin’ to think they wanna take over Earth.

Tried to escape, but the doors were locked,
They said “No WiFi, just spiritual thought.”
I said “That’s insane!” they said “That’s the key!”
And now I’m somehow… in charge of all the tea.

I accidentally joined a cult,
Just wanted some snacks, now I harvest salt!
They changed my name, they took my cash,
Now I gotta bow when I take out the trash!

Ohhh, I accidentally joined a cult,
I keep gettin’ told that “the end will halt.”
They won’t let me leave, say “the stars ain’t right,”
And I gotta sacrifice my Xbox tonight.

Man… I don’t even know anymore.
I mean, the food’s organic. The robes are kinda comfy.
And I do feel spiritually enlightened…
…but also, they keep talking about an alien war??

I accidentally joined a cult,
Might as well lean in, ‘cause it's really my fault!
No more tacos, no more fries,
Just a whole lotta incense and glassy red eyes!

Ohhh, I accidentally joined a cult,
Guess this is my life now, no sense in revolt…
Gotta wake up at dawn, gotta praise the moon,
And my initiation’s… wait, WHAT’S THAT ROOM?!?

Yeah… uh… if anyone hears this…
Send help.

1988/7500

I was walkin’ downtown, just killin’ some time, Saw a sign that said "free cookies inside!" Figured “Why not?” what could go wrong? Now I’m wearin’ a robe and singin’ weird songs. They said, “Brother, welcome! Take off your shoes!” Handed me a candle and a copy of their rules. I thought it was a joke, just some hippie scene, Then they shaved my head and called me “The Moonbeam.” I accidentally joined a cult, I just wanted snacks, now I’m locked in a vault! They took my phone, they burned my jeans, Now I only wear white and I can’t eat beans! Ohhh, I accidentally joined a cult, They said I’d ascend, but I think I'm on hold! The leader’s weird, he calls himself “Zhorre,” And now I gotta chant every day at four. First it was yoga, then midnight prayers, Then they made me dance in my underwear. They keep talkin’ ‘bout “The Great Rebirth,” And I’m startin’ to think they wanna take over Earth. Tried to escape, but the doors were locked, They said “No WiFi, just spiritual thought.” I said “That’s insane!” they said “That’s the key!” And now I’m somehow… in charge of all the tea. I accidentally joined a cult, Just wanted some snacks, now I harvest salt! They changed my name, they took my cash, Now I gotta bow when I take out the trash! Ohhh, I accidentally joined a cult, I keep gettin’ told that “the end will halt.” They won’t let me leave, say “the stars ain’t right,” And I gotta sacrifice my Xbox tonight. Man… I don’t even know anymore. I mean, the food’s organic. The robes are kinda comfy. And I do feel spiritually enlightened… …but also, they keep talking about an alien war?? I accidentally joined a cult, Might as well lean in, ‘cause it's really my fault! No more tacos, no more fries, Just a whole lotta incense and glassy red eyes! Ohhh, I accidentally joined a cult, Guess this is my life now, no sense in revolt… Gotta wake up at dawn, gotta praise the moon, And my initiation’s… wait, WHAT’S THAT ROOM?!? Yeah… uh… if anyone hears this… Send help.

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