[INTRO] you know what's funny you're still using the same tools that got you rejected last time and the time before that [VERSE 1] [DnB Beat, Heavy wobble Bass] [Vocal style: Ethereal, Breathless] LinkedIn wants you posting selfies calling it a brand thought leadership at seven AM nobody understands paying twenty bucks a month to see who viewed your page it was someone from accounting having a midlife crisis — congratulations Indeed just showed you listings from two thousand and four ZipRecruiter matched you to a job in a different country on a different shore Glassdoor told you the culture's great, three reviews, all from the CEO's wife and you're still out here copy pasting cover letters with your life [PRE-CHORUS: lush orchestral strings] meanwhile one app one dashboard dark mode done [CHORUS] [Orchestral Flourish, Heavy String Ostinato, Cinematic Brass Hits, Euphoric Drop, Epic Liquid DnB] delete your apps delete your apps LinkedIn's laughing all the way to the bank with your subscription delete your apps delete your apps Canva CV looking pretty but it failed the ATS inspection My Career Kit, one window, one workflow, one shot everything the others promised actually what you got [VERSE 2] [DnB Beat, Heavy wobble Bass, sidechain pumping,] [Vocal style: Ethereal, Breathless] Kickresume gave you forty plus templates, cool picked the wrong one, failed the scanner, back to square one fool Novoresume gave me the free trial then locked me out of my own profile made me pay to download what I already wrote Teal's got a Kanban board to track how you're ignored color coded rejection, organized, fully stored My Career Kit just pulled the listing, wrote the letter, did the trick [CHORUS] [Orchestral Flourish, Heavy String Ostinato, Cinematic Brass Hits, Euphoric Drop, Epic Liquid DnB] delete your apps delete your apps LinkedIn's laughing all the way to the bank with your subscription delete your apps delete your apps Canva CV looking pretty but it failed the ATS inspection My Career Kit, one window, one workflow, one shot everything the others promised actually what you got [BRIDGE] [Cinematic Breakdown] let's talk about Canva beautiful CV gorgeous gradients stunning layout the ATS scanner looked at it and returned null you handed a work of art to a robot that cannot read art My Career Kit generates HTML exports to PDF looks incredible AND passes the scanner because we actually thought about it [Intense orchestral drop] [VERSE 3] [DnB Beat, Heavy Bass, Euphoric drop] [Vocal style: Ethereal, Breathless] ZipRecruiter auto applies you to jobs you'd never go for ChatGPT spat out a CV and called it done plain text in a blank document — was that supposed to be fun Enhancv put their logo on my CV in bold generated something that looked like it was three years old every other app out here collecting monthly fees to do half of what My Career Kit does for you with ease [FINAL CHORUS] [Orchestral Flourish, Heavy String Ostinato, Cinematic Brass Hits, full out Euphoric Drop, Epic Liquid DnB, intense and melodic] delete your apps delete your apps LinkedIn's laughing all the way to the bank with your subscription delete your apps delete your apps Canva CV looking pretty but it failed the ATS inspection My Career Kit, one window, one workflow, one shot everything the others promised actually what you got delete your apps I'm serious delete them right now what are you waiting for
