Carry the Clipboard (Full Crew Stomp)

TEAM ACCOUNTABILITY REPRESENTATIVE [Intro — spoken] Management has identified an exciting new leadership opportunity. No, it does not come with authority. [Verse 1] They called me in on Monday With a title freshly made, Said, “We need accountability For how the team gets played.” Got a clipboard and a lanyard, Got a seat beside the door, Got responsibility for outcomes I ain’t authorized to steer. Checked the chart for signing rights, Checked the budget, checked the chain, Found my name beneath “Contact”— Not “Commander of the Train.” [Pre-Chorus] Checked the RACI once, boys, Then I checked that thing again. There’s Responsible and Accountable— No “Blame Absorber” at the end. [Chorus] I’ll carry the clipboard, I won’t carry the blame. I’ll gather up the facts And call things by their name. Give me decisions I can make, Give me controls within my lane— Authority and accountability Better travel on the same train. [Verse 2] Well, the deadline slipped on Tuesday, Then the old machine went down. Operations blamed the project, Project blamed the town. “Who chose the date?” “Who held the purse?” “Who owned the risk?” “Who could change the plan?” [Full-band stop] Nobody liked the meeting From that particular point on. [Chorus] I’ll carry the clipboard, I won’t carry the blame. You can call me the contact, But that ain’t quite the same. Trace the money, trace decisions, Follow controls along the chain— Authority and accountability Better travel on the same train. [Call and Response] Who owns the failure? FOLLOW THE WORK! Who made the decision? FOLLOW AUTHORITY! Who owns the action? NAME! DATE! DUE! Who owns absolutely everything? NOT THAT GUY! [Fiddle break] [Verse 3] Accountability is useful, Responsibility is real, But if you want me on the hook, Put the steering in my hand. A title ain’t authority, A lanyard ain’t command, You can’t fix a crooked structure By assigning one more man. [Spoken Breakdown] Finding: unclear accountability. Contributing factor: role ambiguity. Corrective action: Stop inventing ceremonial humans To absorb organizational discomfort. Owner? [Long pause] Management. [Banjo plink] [Final Chorus] I’ll carry the clipboard, I won’t carry the blame. I’ll document the failure And call it by its name. Give people real authority To match the work within their lane— Authority and accountability Better travel on the same train. We can fix the work together, We can learn without the shame— Nobody gets healthier By manufacturing blame. [Gang vocals] NO AUTHORITY! NO MYSTERY LIABILITY! [Spoken] Put that in the job description. [Banjo tag]