OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! Hey yeaaaah OH BUGGER I'M DEAD! I woke up on the carpet With thunder in my head There was something rather troubling About the fact that I was dead My tie was still around me My shoes were still in place And someone who looked just like me Was lying there upon his face I thought about the meeting I thought about the work I thought about that bastard Graham And the credit-stealing jerk I'd only just been working I'd only just sat down So naturally my first thought was: "Thats bloody inconvenient now." Then something moved beside me Something small and rather grim A hood, a cloak, a funny voice— "Are you Death?" "Yes." "You're him?" OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! That's not what I had planned I've got bills that need paying A mortgage you understand OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! Hey This just wasn't on my list You'd think there'd be some warning Or at least a bloody positive twist I've got meetings I'd be missing I've got things I haven't said I've got half a cup of coffee— OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! He wasn't seven foot skeleton He wasn't tall or grand He looked more like an elf At a metal concert band He said, "My name is Ozzy." I said, "That's not Death's name." He said, "Well, technically it is." I said, "This is bloody strange." I tried to get inside myself I tried to make me breathe Unfortunately the corpse in question Wasn't listening to me I shouted at my body I kicked it in the leg It turns out there's a certain point Where kicking yourself is useless anyway He said, "I'm sorry, Bob." I said, "Sorry doesn't help." He said, "You're dead." I said, "No, I'm not." He pointed at myself. "Oh." Ohhhhhhhhhh! OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! That's not what I had planned I've got questions needing answers And I don't quite understand OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! There must have been a mistake Can you speak to your manager? Can we fill out a form? Can we— "No." OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! And suddenly the room was still The shouting faded out For the first time in my life I had absolutely no idea what came next No office No deadline No clever thing to say Just a little man in a funny cloak And an awful lot of grey He held his hand towards me And somehow I understood There are some things you can't insure No matter how much paperwork you could OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! Well, I suppose that's that No point arguing with Death I'm just another stat OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! So where the hell do I go? He said, "You'll find out." I said— "I'd really rather know." OH BUGGER, I'M DEAD! No meeting No desk No life left to defend Maybe death is just a doorway Maybe this isn't the end I've spent my whole damn lifetime Trying to know what's up ahead But now I've got forever— OH BUGGER... I'm dead. "Come on, Bob." "Oh, bugger." Oh bugggggeeer I'm dead
