Don't Scratch My Tesla

[Intro — clean, detuned guitar, intimate vocals] I bought it when the future looked different When the roads were quiet And the promises sounded good Now I park between two Subarus And hope nobody knows me [Verse 1] I was there before the memes Before the red hats, before the screens When electric meant a little hope And not a punchline in a comment thread I told my dad I’d save the planet He said, “Son, you bought a car” Now I take the long way home So nobody sees me at the bar [Pre-Chorus] And I still like the way it drives I still like the way it moves But every time I turn the key I’m making somebody else’s news [Chorus] Don’t scratch my Tesla I’ve got enough to explain I bought the car, not the man But they’re starting to look the same Don’t scratch my Tesla I know what you think of me I just wanted something futuristic Not a whole new identity [Verse 2] There’s a sticker peeling off the bumper From a person I used to be I was talking about the environment Now I’m checking who’s looking at me My friend says, “Dude, just sell it” Like the money grows on trees I say, “It’s got another hundred thousand miles” He says, “Yeah, so does the disease” [Pre-Chorus] And I can’t afford a new one Can’t pretend I never knew So I drive past all the laughter With my hands at ten and two [Chorus] Don’t scratch my Tesla I’ve got enough to explain I bought the car, not the man But they’re starting to look the same Don’t scratch my Tesla I know what you think of me I just wanted something futuristic Not a whole new identity [Bridge — half-time drums, trembling vocal, guitars building] I liked the idea of tomorrow I liked the promise of a change I didn’t know the man behind the curtain Would become the punchline to my name And maybe that’s the stupid part Maybe I should’ve known You can buy yourself a different future But you can’t choose who takes the throne [Quiet breakdown — voice and guitar] It’s just a car. I know it’s just a car. But I paid a lot of money To feel weird inside my car. [Final Chorus — explosive guitars, gang vocals] DON’T SCRATCH MY TESLA I’M ALREADY TAKING HEAT I WAS SAVING ON GAS MONEY NOW I’M HIDING IN THE STREET DON’T SCRATCH MY TESLA I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS SHAME I BOUGHT IT FOR THE BATTERY NOW I’M DEFENDING MY NAME [Outro — guitar feedback, exhausted whisper] I still think electric cars are a good idea. I just don’t want to talk about it. Please don’t scratch my Tesla.