SLH4F GOES TO THE BATHHOUSE

klezmer, male, krechts, trills, mordents, Ashkenazi folk music, ornamentation, syncopates, melismatic, echoes, reverbs, repeats, choral backup, complex, uneven, jumpy, fast, elastic BPM 160-210

A sad and lonely human  
With two towels and no plan  
Walked into a Brooklyn bathhouse  
He tried to leave.  
The doorman said,  
“You’re already naked emotionally.”

[Chorus: Harmonized male vocals with clarinet interjection]
A sad and lonely human  
A sad and lonely human  
A sad and lonely human  
…seeking freedom!

[Verse 1]
He was just looking for the bathroom  
Or a napkin  
Or maybe his mother’s voice  
Telling him he could go home  
If he didn’t feel sexy tonight.

[Verse 2]
A jockstrap on the floor said: “Run.”  
A harness whispered: “Stay.”  
A man in boots said: “You have the vibe of a deleted tweet.”  
He nodded.  
This was the closest he'd come to being understood.

[Bridge]
He was offered water.  
He asked for seltzer.  
They said: “We only have cum.”  
He said: “Fine, but I’m not swallowing bubbles.”  
Then choked.  
Not metaphorically.  
Someone yelled: “We got a live one!”

[Verse 3]
A stranger named Calvin  
Wearing only a cock ring  
Asked: “Do you want this?”  
He said: “I don’t know what ‘this’ is.”  
They said: “Perfect.”

[Chorus]
A sad and lonely human  
Clothed in indecision,  
Tripped over a butt plug  
And fell into a lap named Vincent.

[Bridge: Piano slows, violin sustains harmonic note]
Vincent asked,  
“Do you consent to multiple meanings?”  
He replied,  
“I was born under Mercury in retrograde.”

[Verse 4: Clarinet and vocals alternate phrases]
He didn’t mean to bottom,  
But the universe said: “You’re overdue.”  
The sling adjusted its straps  
Like an invitation  
Written in another’s spit.

[Bridge]
Bent over a bench  
Called “Doubt.”  
It squeaked in time.  
The man behind him  
Spit with force  
And whispered,  
“Brace yourself, professor.”

[Verse 5]
He was pegged by a PhD candidate  
Who called him “incoherent but brave.”  
He thanked her.  
Twice.
A cock hit his cheek.  
He said: “I’m not hungry but thank you.”

[Bridge]
Someone came on his back  
And said:  
“You look like my tax guy.”  
He replied:  
“You’re not wrong.”
He came.  
Then apologized.  
Then sneezed.
Someone yelled: “Gesundheit!”  
He came again.
[Verse 6: Spoken lines over klezmer solo instrumentation]
He was rimmed while reciting Derrida.  
He climaxed  
But forgot to say “amen.”  
The room paused,  
Then resumed.
His legs shook.  
His rhythm faltered.  
A tongue entered him  
And exited with a whisper:  
“You taste like avoidance.”

[Chorus]
A man in leather said:  
“You’re tighter than a faculty senate.”  
He cried.  
Mostly from agreement.

[Bridge]
The man below him moaned,  
“What’s your safe word?”  
He said:  
“I’m not convinced words are safe.”

[Outro]
He left  
Cum-soaked,  
Soul-wrecked,  
Hydrated,  
And  
Whole.
“He came… and came… and came... to terms.”
Sad and lonely human seeking freedom...  
Sad and lonely human.

2791/7500

A sad and lonely human With two towels and no plan Walked into a Brooklyn bathhouse He tried to leave. The doorman said, “You’re already naked emotionally.” [Chorus: Harmonized male vocals with clarinet interjection] A sad and lonely human A sad and lonely human A sad and lonely human …seeking freedom! [Verse 1] He was just looking for the bathroom Or a napkin Or maybe his mother’s voice Telling him he could go home If he didn’t feel sexy tonight. [Verse 2] A jockstrap on the floor said: “Run.” A harness whispered: “Stay.” A man in boots said: “You have the vibe of a deleted tweet.” He nodded. This was the closest he'd come to being understood. [Bridge] He was offered water. He asked for seltzer. They said: “We only have cum.” He said: “Fine, but I’m not swallowing bubbles.” Then choked. Not metaphorically. Someone yelled: “We got a live one!” [Verse 3] A stranger named Calvin Wearing only a cock ring Asked: “Do you want this?” He said: “I don’t know what ‘this’ is.” They said: “Perfect.” [Chorus] A sad and lonely human Clothed in indecision, Tripped over a butt plug And fell into a lap named Vincent. [Bridge: Piano slows, violin sustains harmonic note] Vincent asked, “Do you consent to multiple meanings?” He replied, “I was born under Mercury in retrograde.” [Verse 4: Clarinet and vocals alternate phrases] He didn’t mean to bottom, But the universe said: “You’re overdue.” The sling adjusted its straps Like an invitation Written in another’s spit. [Bridge] Bent over a bench Called “Doubt.” It squeaked in time. The man behind him Spit with force And whispered, “Brace yourself, professor.” [Verse 5] He was pegged by a PhD candidate Who called him “incoherent but brave.” He thanked her. Twice. A cock hit his cheek. He said: “I’m not hungry but thank you.” [Bridge] Someone came on his back And said: “You look like my tax guy.” He replied: “You’re not wrong.” He came. Then apologized. Then sneezed. Someone yelled: “Gesundheit!” He came again. [Verse 6: Spoken lines over klezmer solo instrumentation] He was rimmed while reciting Derrida. He climaxed But forgot to say “amen.” The room paused, Then resumed. His legs shook. His rhythm faltered. A tongue entered him And exited with a whisper: “You taste like avoidance.” [Chorus] A man in leather said: “You’re tighter than a faculty senate.” He cried. Mostly from agreement. [Bridge] The man below him moaned, “What’s your safe word?” He said: “I’m not convinced words are safe.” [Outro] He left Cum-soaked, Soul-wrecked, Hydrated, And Whole. “He came… and came… and came... to terms.” Sad and lonely human seeking freedom... Sad and lonely human.

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