⸻ 🎤 Funny Lyrical Rap — “Everything Hurts” [Verse 1] Man I swear I hit that age, woke up feelin’ prehistoric, Back crack soundin’ like a beat drop — euphoric. Knees poppin’ like I’m steppin’ on a bag of Rice Krispies, I bend down once, whole spine yellin’, “Bro, don’t risk these.” I sneezed too hard — now my shoulder out of socket, Bent to tie my shoes and almost needed a rocket. My warranty expired, body parts on strike, I stretch before I fight, I stretch before I Skype. Text neck hittin’, lower back stay bitchin’, Bought new sneakers, somehow still keep slippin’. Used to party all night, now a nap is the mission, I’m lactose now — I ain’t even make that decision. [Hook] Everything hurt, man, everything hurt, I stand up too fast and my vision go berserk. Everything hurt, man, everything hurt, My body filing HR reports like, “This ain’t work.” [Verse 2] I used to dunk, now I grunt tryna lift my own kid, He said, “Dad you okay?” — lil’ dude, mind ya biz. My ankle cracked twice just walkin’ to the fridge, My hamstring waved bye like, “We ain’t built for what you did.” Back in my prime, I was flexin’ on the court, Now Advil sponsor me like it’s a full-time sport. I walk downstairs sideways like I’m hittin’ a dance, One wrong move and I might re-roll my plans. I bought a foam roller — that’s adulthood peak, I Google my symptoms like seven times a week. Every morning got a new pain changin’ the plot, Like “Who invited hip pain? … I swear I did not.” [Hook] Everything hurt, man, everything hurt, Tried to do a lil’ jog — looked like reverse. Everything hurt, man, everything hurt, My joints movin’ on their own like they tryna convert. [Outro] But I’m still fly though, aging with the drip, I just warm up first before I talk my shit. Got the dad groans ready, and the slow stand-up, But I’m grown grown now — and I still don’t give a— yup! ⸻
