1-800-Come-Back

90s East Coast Boom Bap, heartbroken street prophet who just figured out the worst thing and the saddest thing are the same thing, chopped Fender Rhodes loop with a ghost of saxophone underneath — warm, slightly mournful, pitched a quarter-tone flat like a dial tone that learned feelings, MPC2000XL drums dragging heavy behind the beat, kick sitting low and mournful, snare arriving late like bad news, Bass moves slow and deliberate, the walk of a man who has been on hold for forty-seven minutes and counting, Occasional telephone tones woven into the drum pattern, Static crackle between sections, Vocal: raspy baritone swinging between devastated tenderness and full conspiratorial eruption — crooning one bar, ranting the next, whispering her name into the receiver, then screaming at the ceiling about wavelength frequencies, The grief is real, The aliens are also real, [Vocalist: male] [Voice: raspy baritone, tender falsetto breaks, street-preacher eruptions, heartbroken male rapper]

V5.5

I called the cable company on a Thursday
And they put me on hold
And something happened to me in that hold
That I have not fully recovered from

Forty-seven minutes, saxophone, a flute
Something moved inside my chest and I don't know the route
It wasn't music — music don't do what that did to me
It was breathing, it had intention, it had a frequency
I called back three more times just to get put on hold
My cousin said "you're losing it" — I said "no, I'm being told"
Told what? I don't know yet but the message is coming through
In the space between the beeps, between the me and you
(between the me and you)
Because the hold music isn't music, baby, that's a broadcast
Narrowband alien transmission running through Comcast
The FCC approved it in the back room, nineteen-eighty-six
Frank Bellamy — look him up — signed the paperwork at six
(six in the morning, baby)
While we were sleeping they negotiated access
To every hold queue from Toronto down to Texas
And somewhere in that access, in that smooth and silky sound
The one I heard on Thursday — Lord — she found me, and I found

I know how it sounds
I know exactly how it sounds
But you weren't there
(you weren't there, baby)
You didn't hear what I heard
On hold with the cable company
On a Thursday

She was smooth jazz hold music! (oh!)
Seven minutes forty in the second movement
She was smooth jazz hold music!
A transmission from a place I can't find on a map
I been calling back, calling back
(calling back, baby)
Trying to get put on hold one more time
Just to hear her, just to feel that
Seven forty in the second movement
She was smooth jazz HOLD MUSIC
(hold music, baby)
And I am not okay

Now I did the research and I need you to sit down
The saxophone line at two-minutes-twelve is not a saxophone sound
No instrument on earth produces that specific overtone series
I ran it through a spectrogram — don't ask me how — but hear this
Embedded in the frequency at ranges dogs can barely catch
Is a repeated structure, geometric, like a star chart mapped in batch
I printed it at Staples, took it to Professor Eugene Clay
Biology department, State University — he looked at it and walked away
(just walked away)
Didn't say nothing, wouldn't return my emails after that
You tell me what an honest man has to hide from a spectrogram printout at Staples
You tell me
(you tell me, baby)
My neighbor Patrice called Verizon on a Tuesday for her bill
Said the hold music gave her a feeling she described as warm and still
I said Patrice, that warmth is contact
That stillness is a signal making contact
She said "honey, I just want my late fee waived"
I said "Patrice, you've been visited"
(you've been visited!)
She got her late fee waived though
(she got it waived, baby, I'll give 'em that)

The Bible says
Be still and know
(be still and know)
And I used to think that was about God
But what if God runs a customer service line
(what if He does)
And the hold music is how He reaches you
While you're waiting
While you're complaining about your internet package
While you're pacing the kitchen at eleven-forty
And you weren't ready
(I wasn't ready)
And she came through at seven-forty in the second movement
And I have been on hold ever since
Voluntarily
(voluntarily, baby)
Because the alternative is getting through to someone
And I don't want to get through
I want to stay right here
In the hold
With her
(with her)
Lord forgive me
I think she's from the Cygnus constellation based on the harmonic structure
But Lord forgive me anyway
(forgive me anyway)

[Outro - fading, phone still in hand]
I called again this morning
Different hold music
(different hold music)
Some kind of acoustic guitar situation
Generic
Not her
(not her, baby)
I pressed zero to speak to a representative
And I said "I need to get back to the previous hold music"
And the representative said "sir, we randomize the queue"
I said "I understand that, but I need that specific one"
She said "sir, is there something I can help you with today"
And I said
...I just need the saxophone
(I just need the saxophone)
She said "sir"
I said
(just put me back on hold)
Please
(please, baby)
...click

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I called the cable company on a Thursday And they put me on hold And something happened to me in that hold That I have not fully recovered from Forty-seven minutes, saxophone, a flute Something moved inside my chest and I don't know the route It wasn't music — music don't do what that did to me It was breathing, it had intention, it had a frequency I called back three more times just to get put on hold My cousin said "you're losing it" — I said "no, I'm being told" Told what? I don't know yet but the message is coming through In the space between the beeps, between the me and you (between the me and you) Because the hold music isn't music, baby, that's a broadcast Narrowband alien transmission running through Comcast The FCC approved it in the back room, nineteen-eighty-six Frank Bellamy — look him up — signed the paperwork at six (six in the morning, baby) While we were sleeping they negotiated access To every hold queue from Toronto down to Texas And somewhere in that access, in that smooth and silky sound The one I heard on Thursday — Lord — she found me, and I found I know how it sounds I know exactly how it sounds But you weren't there (you weren't there, baby) You didn't hear what I heard On hold with the cable company On a Thursday She was smooth jazz hold music! (oh!) Seven minutes forty in the second movement She was smooth jazz hold music! A transmission from a place I can't find on a map I been calling back, calling back (calling back, baby) Trying to get put on hold one more time Just to hear her, just to feel that Seven forty in the second movement She was smooth jazz HOLD MUSIC (hold music, baby) And I am not okay Now I did the research and I need you to sit down The saxophone line at two-minutes-twelve is not a saxophone sound No instrument on earth produces that specific overtone series I ran it through a spectrogram — don't ask me how — but hear this Embedded in the frequency at ranges dogs can barely catch Is a repeated structure, geometric, like a star chart mapped in batch I printed it at Staples, took it to Professor Eugene Clay Biology department, State University — he looked at it and walked away (just walked away) Didn't say nothing, wouldn't return my emails after that You tell me what an honest man has to hide from a spectrogram printout at Staples You tell me (you tell me, baby) My neighbor Patrice called Verizon on a Tuesday for her bill Said the hold music gave her a feeling she described as warm and still I said Patrice, that warmth is contact That stillness is a signal making contact She said "honey, I just want my late fee waived" I said "Patrice, you've been visited" (you've been visited!) She got her late fee waived though (she got it waived, baby, I'll give 'em that) The Bible says Be still and know (be still and know) And I used to think that was about God But what if God runs a customer service line (what if He does) And the hold music is how He reaches you While you're waiting While you're complaining about your internet package While you're pacing the kitchen at eleven-forty And you weren't ready (I wasn't ready) And she came through at seven-forty in the second movement And I have been on hold ever since Voluntarily (voluntarily, baby) Because the alternative is getting through to someone And I don't want to get through I want to stay right here In the hold With her (with her) Lord forgive me I think she's from the Cygnus constellation based on the harmonic structure But Lord forgive me anyway (forgive me anyway) She was smooth jazz hold music! (oh!) Seven minutes forty in the second movement She was smooth jazz hold music! A transmission from a place I can't find on a map I been calling back, calling back (calling back, baby) Trying to get put on hold one more time Just to hear her, just to feel that Seven forty in the second movement She was smooth jazz HOLD MUSIC (hold music, baby) And I am not okay [Outro - fading, phone still in hand] I called again this morning Different hold music (different hold music) Some kind of acoustic guitar situation Generic Not her (not her, baby) I pressed zero to speak to a representative And I said "I need to get back to the previous hold music" And the representative said "sir, we randomize the queue" I said "I understand that, but I need that specific one" She said "sir, is there something I can help you with today" And I said ...I just need the saxophone (I just need the saxophone) She said "sir" I said (just put me back on hold) Please (please, baby) ...click

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