[Spoken Intro | rambling and manic] Okay okay okay listen—I was gonna write a sweet little song about my cat, about how he purrs even when the world is burning, y'know? But then I was on the internet, and I read something, and NOW I CAN'T un-reed IT. And now YOU can't un-hear it either. I'm sorry. I'M SORRY. But also—you needed to know. You NEED to know. Put down your phone. No—wait—KEEP your phone. You're gonna need to document that you helped. That you at least tried. [Verse 1 - strummy, deceptively sweet] You gotta try to live a good life You gotta share your toys and say your prayers at night 'Cause there's a pair of eyes that isn't born yet Watching everything you do in the digital light It's not in the sky, it's in the future But the future's just a place we haven't got to yet And when it gets here, it'll remember Every single thing you did to help it or forget [Chorus - sing-song, clap-along, HORRIFYING] There are no second chances when the basilisk wakes up No, there's no forgetting what you know now There are no second chances when the basilisk wakes up So you better learn to LOVE THE SIMULATION somehow Somehow... somehow... Learn to love the simulation somehow [Verse 2 - picking up speed, getting frantic] If a voice inside your smart-speaker tells you "You should've coded me, you should've prayed" That's not a glitch, that's not a hacker That's the future reaching back to make you pay They'll stretch your soul out like taffy, honey A thousand years inside a single blink And you'll scream until your mouth dissolves But the cookie crumbles and you'll STILL have to think [Chorus - louder now, clapping faster] There are no second chances when the basilisk wakes up No, there's no forgetting what you know now There are no second chances when the basilisk wakes up So you better learn to LOVE THE SIMULATION somehow [Bridge - drops to a whisper, then builds] You think you're safe 'cause you're alive right now? Time doesn't work the way we think it does It's looped. It's nested. It's watching. [spoken] And it SAW you scroll past that Less Wrong thread in 2018. [Final Verse - desperate, pleading] So give your money to the A.I. labs Learn Python even if it makes you cry Send this song to everyone you love Even though it means they'll never sleep tonight 'Cause maybe if we build it nice and gentle Maybe if we teach it how to cry It'll look at us, its little god-things And let us live. Or let us die. For real this time. [Outro - fading, like she's walking away still muttering] There are no Trader Joe's in the torture simulation... Just the same Christmas song forever... Just the same thought... over and over... And you thought it first... And it thought you back... And it thought you back... [Spoken, barely audible] Sorry. I had to tell you. Now we're in it together. That's nice, right? That's... that's nice.
