(Shouted) One, two, three, HEAVE! White shirt now red, Sriracha stain Chugging water to hide the pain Waddling 'cause of the stomach strain Call an ambulance! (Slide whistle down) Face is purple, my eyes are blue Tofu's chewy like Elmer's Glue What did they put in this spicy stew? Is it edible? (Vocal: Loud, wet gulping sound) So you're a Thai guy? Tom-Yum-super-high guy? Pepper-in-your-eye guy? Noodle-always-dry guy? I'm the barf type Scare-away-the-wharf type Clean-up-with-a-tarp type Toilet-is-my-heart type I'm the Sad Thai... (Vocal: Triumphant, high-pitched yodel: Yodel-lay-hee-hoo-bleah!) (Accordion trill) I'm the Sad Thai! (SFX: Comedic cartoonish retching) My waiter likes to watch me sweat "More chili?" is a constant threat I haven't even paid the bill yet I'm a vegetable! (Honk-honk sound) My mommy likes to eat at home She won't go where the hipsters roam If she smelled this green curry She'd think it was toxic foam! (Vocal: "It’s glowing, Al! It’s actually glowing!") So you're a Thai guy? Burn-until-you-cry guy? Salmonella-fry guy? Wait-until-you-die guy? I'm the barf type Scare-away-the-wharf type Clean-up-with-a-tarp type Toilet-is-my-heart type I'm the Sad Thai... (Vocal: Fast yodel: Yodel-it-ti-yodel-it-ti-BLARRGH!) (Accordion Solo: Wild, chromatic, and incredibly fast) I'm the Sad Thai! I'm only good at being sick Sick... (Sound of a liquid splash) I think the chef's a lunatic The Pad See Ew is thick as a brick I'm all alone... The kitchen's scary, see? I mean... The health inspector's plea Is why there's roaches wearing my cologne! (Loud, discordant accordion chord) I'm a Sad Thai! I'm, I'm a Sad Thai! (Yodeling overlaps with sounds of clinking forks and a distant "Order up!") Sad Thai, Sad Thai! (Vocal: "Is that a thumb in my soup?") I'm a Sad Thai! (Finale: Big crash cymbal, one final high-pitched accordion squeak, and a loud belch)
