[Intro – spoken Jamaican male quest giver] Hey man… listen careful. You don’t want to do this quest… but the reward is real funky. Your choice man… you been warned. But you might be stupid enough to try anyway... See… there’s this fella named Hillbilly Hank. He live out by the big barn… and he got himself a passion. That passion is… horse poop. He say he making art. Personally… I say he making a piece of shit. But if you brave enough… he need five thousand pieces. Good luck man. You gonna need it. [banjo kicks in} [Verse 1] Well I logged on Rust just mindin’ my base When Hank popped up with manure on his face He said “Boy I’m sculptin’ the future of art And horse poop happens to be my favorite part” He’s knee deep down in the big red barn Smilin’ like he found the holy farm Got a shovel, boots, and a wild eyed grin Said “Bring me five thousand turds, let’s begin!” [Chorus] Five thousand piles in a rusty sack Lord have mercy my nose ain’t comin’ back Banjo pickin while the flies all sing This server smells like the devil’s thing Poop in the wagon Poop in the barn Poop in the pockets of your hazmat arm If this here’s art then I reckon it’s true Rust players will do what loot makes ‘em do [Verse 2] Hank’s sculptin’ horses outta horse behind Calls it “deep emotional manure design” He pats that pile like a sculptor king Says “Son this here’s my Michelangelo thing” Players runnin’ through the fields all day Shovelin’ dung in a desperate way One guy yelled through the mic in pain “Fuck, I stepped in three stacks again!” [Chorus] Five thousand piles in a smelling sack Server lag and my boots turn black Fiddle screamin’ while the barn cats stare Ain’t nobody breathin’ fresh air Poop in the wagon Poop in the sun Poop in places that ain’t no fun All for a sculpture Hank calls “divine” Smells like a crime scene crossed with a farm line [Bridge – comedy breakdown] Hank stands tall with his masterpiece pile “Boys… this here gonna change the art world.” Somebody whispers: “Pretty sure that’s just… a big ol’ turd.” Hank nods proud. “Exactly.” [Final Chorus] Five thousand piles and the job is done Lord that barn ain’t safe for no one We haul that statue through the festival gate Smell so strong it could knock out fate Poop sculpture shining in the sun’s bright light People passin’ out left and right Hank wipes his brow and proudly say “Art like this comes once a day.” [Outro – spoken Jamaican male quest giver] Well man… you survived it. You carried the poop. You smelled the poop. You probably became the poop. But hey… reward is reward. And if you made it through dis alive… with your sanity intact… …or at least you think so… Then good news man. Hillbilly Hank got another mega quest. This time… you gotta collect even more poop. Good luck. Or whatever. Dumbass.
