A Clown Takes a Pratfall the Musical

West End Musical Theatre Comedy, All male vocals, Argument

V4.5+

(Whoooosh)

[CYCLIST]
WAS THAT CLOSE ENOUGH?
M478 GF8J

[CYCLIST]
Alright I'm gonna chase him down,
I'm gonna confront this clown!
Follow this prat down this road,
Oh, he just tried to back into me, that toad!

He's about to reach the crossing,
Here's my chance to catch him and his cursing!

[CYCLIST]
Too close mate, you passed me way too close.

[DRIVER]
Mate, how fucking big is that bicycle? Do you need to drive on the road?
Well you're fucking lucky that I didn't hit you, didn't you?
If you'd have actually had the decency to go over one side instead of taking the whole fucking road.

[CYCLIST]
What, into the door zone?
Into the door zone.

[DRIVER]
Are you a fucking tank? 
No. 
Are you a car? 
No. 
You're a fucking little bicycle, but you seem to want to be in the middle of the road.

[CYCLIST]
Okay.

[DRIVER]
Well that's your problem, you get knocked off, don't you?

[CYCLIST]
Is it?

[DRIVER]
Fuck off!

[CYCLIST]
Is that what it says in the highway code?

[DRIVER]
No it says "Knock you cunts over"!

[CYCLIST]
Is that what it says?

[DRIVER]
Yeah.  Fucking Wanker

[CYCLIST]
That's very interesting, you're on camera, I'm going to put you on YouTube.

[DRIVER]
Put me on where you like, I'll fucking kill you.

[CYCLIST]
I'm going to report you to the police.

[DRIVER]
Go on then, Do it now, do it now.

[CYCLIST]
This tape is going to go to the police.

[DRIVER]
Do it now, you're a fucking idiot.
Do not ride, where does the highway code say you sit in the middle of the fucking road?

[CYCLIST]
You can discuss it with the police, I'm reporting you.

[DRIVER]
Go for it!

[CYCLIST]
I've got your registration, I've got you on camera.

[DRIVER]
Pergeot 405.

[CYCLIST]
I know what it is.

[DRIVER]
Yeah, and by the way, have you got insurance on your bicycle? No.
[CYCLIST]
Yes.
[DRIVER]
Have you got a helmet on? 
No.
[CYCLIST]
I don't have to wear a helmet.
[DRIVER]
Are you a sensible white person?
[CYCLIST]
Are you wearing a seatbelt?
[DRIVER]
Are you a sensible person?
[CYCLIST]
Are you wearing a seatbelt?
[DRIVER]
No, you're not.
[CYCLIST]
No, you are not.
[DRIVER]
No because I've just took it off.
[CYCLIST]
No, exactly, and you're on the road, so there, I've got you for two offenses.
[DRIVER]
Just GO!
[CYCLIST]
Two offenses.
[DRIVER]
I'm gonna fucking get you!
[CYCLIST]
Are you?  That's interesting.
You're on camera.  You're on camera!

[DRIVER]
I'll take your fucking camera.
Excuse me.
Would you like that broken?
Would you like it broken?
[CYCLIST]
Don't touch it.
[DRIVER]
Would you like it broken?

[DRIVER]
Right, well get a fucking life, why don't you?
I'm going to sort you out and your fucking camera.
Sad little cunt!

[CYCLIST]
Yep.

[DRIVER]
Why don't you get a car?

[CYCLIST]
I've got a car.

[DRIVER]
Have you?
You'll probably get banned from your car!

[CYCLIST]
You've just committed an assault.

[DRIVER]
I'll park behind you and I'll knock you off.
Called legal.

[CYCLIST]
Yeah, put your seatbelt on.  That's right
[DRIVER]
Put your fucking mouth, shut.
You are really pissing me off.
[CYCLIST]
I know I am.
[DRIVER]
And you, do you do this for a hobby?
Fucking annoy people.

[CYCLIST]
Hahaha

[DRIVER]
I'm taking your camera.

[CYCLIST]
Right.
Try it.

[DRIVER]
Come on, you fucking do it.
Come on, you cunt.
Wait.
Come on, you fucking do it.

[PAUSE]

[CYCLIST]
I cycled away as fast as I could,
Him chasing me down, he's no good,
He assaulted me in the street,
I'm the guy he wished he wouldn't meet,
And what's that behind me, I'll look now I can!
He's fallen flat on his face, with a dive like Superman,
Well that was an eventful experience for all!
Enjoy this Youtube video of This Clown who took a Pratfall!

3882/7500

[CYCLIST] There I am, Happily cycling along, Along the city of Reading, What could possibly go wrong? Got my Dashcam attached, it's recording now Gonna see if I can catch bad drivers and take a bow And.... (Whoooosh) [CYCLIST] WAS THAT CLOSE ENOUGH? M478 GF8J [CYCLIST] Alright I'm gonna chase him down, I'm gonna confront this clown! Follow this prat down this road, Oh, he just tried to back into me, that toad! He's about to reach the crossing, Here's my chance to catch him and his cursing! [CYCLIST] Too close mate, you passed me way too close. [DRIVER] Mate, how fucking big is that bicycle? Do you need to drive on the road? Well you're fucking lucky that I didn't hit you, didn't you? If you'd have actually had the decency to go over one side instead of taking the whole fucking road. [CYCLIST] What, into the door zone? Into the door zone. [DRIVER] Are you a fucking tank? No. Are you a car? No. You're a fucking little bicycle, but you seem to want to be in the middle of the road. [CYCLIST] Okay. [DRIVER] Well that's your problem, you get knocked off, don't you? [CYCLIST] Is it? [DRIVER] Fuck off! [CYCLIST] Is that what it says in the highway code? [DRIVER] No it says "Knock you cunts over"! [CYCLIST] Is that what it says? [DRIVER] Yeah. Fucking Wanker [CYCLIST] That's very interesting, you're on camera, I'm going to put you on YouTube. [DRIVER] Put me on where you like, I'll fucking kill you. [CYCLIST] I'm going to report you to the police. [DRIVER] Go on then, Do it now, do it now. [CYCLIST] This tape is going to go to the police. [DRIVER] Do it now, you're a fucking idiot. Do not ride, where does the highway code say you sit in the middle of the fucking road? [CYCLIST] You can discuss it with the police, I'm reporting you. [DRIVER] Go for it! [CYCLIST] I've got your registration, I've got you on camera. [DRIVER] Pergeot 405. [CYCLIST] I know what it is. [DRIVER] Yeah, and by the way, have you got insurance on your bicycle? No. [CYCLIST] Yes. [DRIVER] Have you got a helmet on? No. [CYCLIST] I don't have to wear a helmet. [DRIVER] Are you a sensible white person? [CYCLIST] Are you wearing a seatbelt? [DRIVER] Are you a sensible person? [CYCLIST] Are you wearing a seatbelt? [DRIVER] No, you're not. [CYCLIST] No, you are not. [DRIVER] No because I've just took it off. [CYCLIST] No, exactly, and you're on the road, so there, I've got you for two offenses. [DRIVER] Just GO! [CYCLIST] Two offenses. [DRIVER] I'm gonna fucking get you! [CYCLIST] Are you? That's interesting. You're on camera. You're on camera! [DRIVER] I'll take your fucking camera. Excuse me. Would you like that broken? Would you like it broken? [CYCLIST] Don't touch it. [DRIVER] Would you like it broken? [DRIVER] Right, well get a fucking life, why don't you? I'm going to sort you out and your fucking camera. Sad little cunt! [CYCLIST] Yep. [DRIVER] Why don't you get a car? [CYCLIST] I've got a car. [DRIVER] Have you? You'll probably get banned from your car! [CYCLIST] You've just committed an assault. [DRIVER] I'll park behind you and I'll knock you off. Called legal. [CYCLIST] Yeah, put your seatbelt on. That's right [DRIVER] Put your fucking mouth, shut. You are really pissing me off. [CYCLIST] I know I am. [DRIVER] And you, do you do this for a hobby? Fucking annoy people. [CYCLIST] Hahaha [DRIVER] I'm taking your camera. [CYCLIST] Right. Try it. [DRIVER] Come on, you fucking do it. Come on, you cunt. Wait. Come on, you fucking do it. [PAUSE] [CYCLIST] I cycled away as fast as I could, Him chasing me down, he's no good, He assaulted me in the street, I'm the guy he wished he wouldn't meet, And what's that behind me, I'll look now I can! He's fallen flat on his face, with a dive like Superman, Well that was an eventful experience for all! Enjoy this Youtube video of This Clown who took a Pratfall!

0/500