Audio Message To Australia’s Land Lord

TO AUSTRALIA’S LANDLORD The Great Trans-Tasman Chin-Wag [Spoken Intro] King Charles? Governor-General? The Commonwealth? Parliament? The Australian people? Wall Street? TRRRUUUMMMPPP??? 🤨 Righto. Whoever you are — we need to have a chin-wag. And our Kiwi cousins better pull up a pew too. Because this could take a while. [Verse 1] Us Aussies — and the Kiwis too — Have watched our countries turn to poo. Our pollies make promises they don’t keep, Then don’t seem to care if we’ve somewhere to sleep. We’re doing the hard yakka, Getting bugger all back, The cost of living’s gone troppo, And the household budget’s out of whack. They tell us, “Mate, she’ll be right.” Across the ditch— “Yeah… nah.” When the rent has eaten your pay cheque, Things aren’t exactly sweet as, are they, bro? [Chorus] So pull up a chair, We’ve got something to say. We’ve been quiet long enough, And we’re not going away. No more spin, No more blah-blah-blah. It’s time for a fair go— Yeah, nah? Yeah… bloody oath! From Australia to Aotearoa, There’s a message coming through: Whoever’s got the keys around here— We’ve got a few words for you. [Verse 2] We’ve got battlers sleeping rough, Families struggling to make ends meet. People doing forty hours plus Who still can’t afford somewhere decent to sleep. Food goes up, Power goes up, Fuel takes another bite. You open another bloody bill And think— Fair dinkum… is ANYTHING right? Meanwhile another committee Forms a committee down the hall, To write a four-hundred-page report Explaining why they can’t fix it at all. [Verse 3] And then there’s the land. Beautiful, productive land. Fruit and veg, Cattle in the paddock, And don’t forget the sheep. Now we’re looking across the countryside— Where’d the bloody farm go? Windmills standing where the crops once grew, Solar farms stretching across the view. We’re all for keeping the lights on, But here’s a thought worth thinking through: You can’t chuck a solar panel on the barbie, And a wind turbine’s bloody useless in a stew. Keep the energy. Keep the innovation. But keep enough good country too— Because food security matters When you’ve got a nation to feed, mate. And two nations are talking to you. [Chorus] So pull up a chair, We’ve got something to say. Aussies and Kiwis Didn’t come here just to complain today. We want solutions. Accountability. A little common sense will do. Whoever’s got the keys around here— We’ve got a few words for you. [Spoken Interlude] So… Whoever’s got the keys— Mate… Bro… Your Majesty… Your Excellency… Mr President… Whoever the bloody hell you are— Put the kettle on. Actually… Fire up the barbie. This is going to be a LONG chin-wag. We’ll bring the reef and beef. The Kiwis can bring the roast lamb. We’ll grab some spuds and veggies too— assuming we’ve still got enough farmland left to grow the bloody things. Pull up a chair. Loosen your belt. Don’t make plans for the arvo. Because for the next few hours… The reef will be ours. The beef will be ours. The lamb will be ours. And mate… YOUR EARS WILL BE OURS. [Verse 4] We want homes people can afford. Safe streets where our kids can play. Small businesses given half a chance Instead of more bloody forms to pay. Look after the veterans. Remember the farmers. Give the battlers a fighting chance. Back the people helping locally Instead of making everybody dance Through hoops, Forms, Rules, Fees, Red tape stacked to the sky. Sometimes the answer’s pretty simple— Just help the bloody guy. [Bridge] We’re not asking someone to save us. We’re not waiting for a hero to appear. We’re Aussies. We’re Kiwis. We can handle things from here. But if you’re sitting in the landlord’s chair, Whoever you turn out to be— Listen to the people on the ground. Because they’re the ones who see. And if something works somewhere else, We’ll have a proper gander too. Take the good. Leave the rubbish. And build something that works for us— Not copy-paste what works for you. [Breakdown – Spoken] Oh… One more thing. We’ve seen what President Trump has been doing with the renovations over in America. Very flash. Very shiny. And apparently somebody found the world’s remaining supply of… GOLD LEAF. So… Before you use the bloody lot— Australia and New Zealand would like some. A little. … Alright. A LOT. We’ve been doing it rough. We deserve something flash. [Final Chorus] So pull up a chair, And pour another brew. We’ve told you what’s going wrong— Now let’s talk about what we can do. A fair go for the Aussies. Sweet as for the Kiwis too. Different accents, Same bloody ocean, And common sense overdue. No saviours. No masters. No waiting for somebody new. Just listen to the people who live here— They’ll tell you what they need from you. [Outro – Spoken] King Charles? Governor-General? Commonwealth? Wall Street? … TRRRUUUMMMPP