Can’t Kill You (But I Thought About It)

🎸 “Can’t Kill You (But I Thought About It)” (to the tune of a breezy 90s alt-country jam) [Verse 1] You’re standin’ in the fridge again Doors wide open, lookin’ for nothin’ I swear you just love cold air Or maybe you’re hidin’ from your share Of laundry, dishes, life, and bills But oh, I get the chills… [Pre-Chorus] ’Cause if thoughts could do time You’d be chalk outlined But hey—I took a breath and poured some wine… [Chorus] Can’t kill you, but I thought about it Even Googled how to live without it But the kids would cry, and your mom would call And murder’s frowned on after all So I’ll just scream into this throw pillow While you watch reruns real slow I can’t kill you… But I thought about it, though [Verse 2] You parked your truck across the drive Now I can’t back out if I tried And that half-done project on the lawn? It’s been there since your hair was blond You leave your socks like breadcrumb trails And somehow forget to check the mail [Pre-Chorus] But when you read to them at night And tuck ‘em in just right… It makes me hide the steak knife outta sight [Chorus] Can’t kill you, but I thought about it Imagined life without your habits But then you’d miss our daughter’s play And I’d be lonely come Christmas Day And bleach don’t clean up blood that well And orange jumpsuits clash like hell I can’t kill you… But I thought about it, still [Bridge] You drive me crazy, it’s true But I still wanna grow old with you Even if I have to bite my tongue When you say “relax, it’s just for fun…” (Like life’s a game you always lose When the remote is stuck on the evening news) [Final Chorus] Can’t kill you, but I thought about it Lit a candle just to laugh about it ’Cause love’s a mess, and so are we But you make the world less lonely So I’ll roll my eyes and kiss your face And scoot you out the stinkin’ way I won’t kill you… But don’t block the microwave