[contemplative intoduction] [Verse 1] Everybody’s got opinions, everybody’s got a view They’ll wrinkle up their noses sayin’, “That smells awful, dude!” They swear they know the flavor of the nastiest cuisine But knowledge without sampling is purely make-believe [Pre-Chorus] You can read a thousand cookbooks You can watch the cooking shows But if you've never took a bite Then you'll really never know [Chorus] You can’t say crap tastes awful If you've never tried a scoop Don’t pretend you know how it tastes If you haven't actually tasted poop You can judge the smell from miles away And gag just like a champ But flavor’s still a mystery Till you taste a sample of it! [Verse 2] There’s critics on the internet with wisdom loud and proud Declaring what is terrible while shouting to the crowd “Disgusting! Absolutely vile!” they cry with such finesse But when you ask “You tried it?” they admit a timid “guess…” [Pre-Chorus] See philosophy is simple It’s a rule that can’t be bent You can’t review the menu If you never ate the… she-it [Chorus] You can’t say crap tastes awful If you never tried it Don’t be the food inspector Of hypothetical poop You can write a big opinion Wave your fork around and rant But science needs a sample And courage needs a… plant [Bridge] Now I’m not sayin’ try it Let’s be very crystal clear Some experiments in dining Should stay theoretical, my dear But if you claim authority On flavor, smell, and smack— Just remember that your résumé Might need a little… snack [Final Chorus] You can’t say crap tastes awful With complete authority Unless you’ve done the tasting In the name of certainty So the lesson of this story Before your judgment drops— If you ain’t put it in your mouth… Don’t review the chef’s slops! Don't say something tastes like crap unless you've actually tried crap otherwise you're ironically full of Crap!
