[Intro] Abracadabra… That ain’t a trick. That’s your warning. You know who I am. Alakazam. I heard that Sandshrew track. You called him a coward? Funny. Run Away’s your ability. Let’s start there. [Verse 1] You called Sandshrew scared ’cause he hides underground, But Run Away’s your ability— How the fuck that sound? That ain’t a diss. That shit came with your name. Game Freak made cowardice part of your game. You told Sandshrew, “Stand up, fight like a man.” Then danger showed up— And you fucking ran. [Verse 2] Then you brag about Speed like you’re owning the game. One move. Trick Room. Now who’s looking lame? Quick Attack ain’t Speed. That’s cutting the line. Base seventy-two? Mine’s one-twenty, bitch. Stay behind. You built your whole pride on attacking real fast. I flipped one rule— Now your best trait is trash. [Hook] You called him a coward? Look who’s talking now. Run Away rat with the loudest fucking mouth. You got teeth. You got tricks. You got one little plan. I control the whole field. You know who I am. Alakazam. [Verse 3] Now FEAR. Focus Sash. Endeavor. Quick Attack. That shit works once when they don’t know the trap. Catch some dumb trainer? Yeah, maybe you win. But put a brain in the battle and where do you begin? One HP gimmick. One cheap surprise. Your whole reputation depends on closed eyes. FEAR scares fools. That’s all that you had. You fight stupid trainers. I make smart trainers look bad. [Verse 4] Go ask Gen One what happened when I came. Psychic ran wild and I helped run the game. One-thirty-five Special. One-twenty Speed. Recover in the back while I make whole teams bleed. No Dark-types yet. No Steel in the way. You saw Alakazam and started praying that day. You think one move ahead? Cute little rat. I’m already ten turns deep while you’re choosing your attack. Calm Mind. Recover. Encore your plan. By the time you catch up, I’m already in command. You use FEAR like that makes you the threat. I put fear in the metagame. Don’t ever forget. [Verse 5] Let’s talk abilities. Run Away was sad. Then I saw Hustle— Holy shit, that’s bad. More power. Less aim. That fits you just right. All fucking mouth, then you miss when you fight. Guts makes you stronger when your body gets burned. You hurt your own ass just to finally get heard. I got Magic Guard. Life Orb in hand. You pay for your power. I take mine and stand. [Verse 6] Then you evolve. Raticate. Big fucking deal. Same rat. Bigger body. Still ugly as hell. Evolution’s supposed to make something advance. Make you stronger. Make you sharper. Make you look like a man. Look at you. Same face. Just fatter and weird. Then look at me, bitch— I grew a fucking beard. Your jaw got wider. My mind got refined. You grew bigger teeth. I grew into mine. That’s the difference when evolution gets real. You became more rat. I became more feared. [Bridge] Sucker Punch? Go ahead. Take your shot. But if I don’t attack, your move does what? Nothing. Encore. Now do it again. Keep swinging at air while I’m inside your head. You guess what I’ll do. I decide what you can. That’s why you’re Rattata. That’s why I’m Alakazam. [Final Verse] So call Sandshrew coward one more fucking time. Run Away. Focus Sash. Priority in your design. Everything you mocked is the shit that you use. You weren’t roasting Sandshrew. You were roasting you. You came in loud, now your whole act is jammed. No trick left. No pride left. No fucking plan. Abracadabra… Now you know who I am. Motherfucking Alakazam.
