[Spoken Intro] Welcome to Earth. Population: quite a lot. Primary exports: plastic, arguments, and subscription services nobody remembers signing up for. According to several ancient accounts, management used to be considerably more hands-on. Then one day... they left us the keys. This may have been an error. [Verse 1] Back when Sumer scratched the story Into tablets made of clay Gods came down and walked among us Or that's what old inscriptions say Genesis tells another version Dust and breath and garden trees "Take good care of what I've given" We heard, "Take whatever you please" So we dug it up and burned it Paved the fields and sold the view Put a barcode on creation Then bought one and ordered two [Pre-Chorus] There may have been A slight misunderstanding "Stewardship" apparently Did not mean... Everything must go! [Chorus] So long, and thanks for all the oil We drilled the sea and worked the soil Filled the sky with satellites So we could stream our shows at night Buy it now Throw it away There's an upgraded one on Tuesday God said, "Someday I'll return" We said, "Great! Can we interest You in Premium Plus?" [Verse 2] Then along comes ancient Enoch With a rather strange report Watchers coming down from heaven Getting tangled with the mortals Knowledge handed down from somewhere Things we maybe shouldn't know Humans doing what humans do best: "Interesting... Can we monetize it though?" Metals, kingdoms, wars and markets Every century improved We invented global shipping Just to move our garbage too [Spoken Interlude] The planet was originally supplied with forests, oceans, fertile soil and approximately zero shopping malls. Humans considered this an obvious design flaw. [Verse 3] Then the prophets gave us warnings "Things won't always carry on" Watch the nations, watch the heavens There will come another dawn But we've grown sophisticated Ancient warnings make us laugh Till a light appears above us Then suddenly... "ALIEN ATTACK!" Call the generals! Launch the rockets! Someone livestream every cloud! Funny how we'll trust a podcast But the prophets? Much too wild. [Chorus] So long, and thanks for all the stuff Apparently we can't get enough Another screen, another car Another warehouse twice as large Buy it now Throw it away Finance twelve more months to pay God said, "Someday I'll return" We said, "Could You clarify whether that's an invasion?" [Bridge] Maybe they'll arrive in fire Maybe trumpets split the sky Maybe everybody looks upward Asking who and what and why "Are they Martians?" "Are they hostile?" "Did they cross from some dimension?" Everybody asks the question Except the awkward one nobody mentions: If we're merely cosmic accidents With monkeys somewhere in our past... Who spliced the last chromosome? ... Anybody? [Spoken Interlude] No? Very well. Please continue arguing about the thermostat. [Final Verse] Maybe heaven left us stewardship Not ownership of everything Maybe "multiply" meant families Not disposable packaging Maybe wealth was never measured By how much a man consumes Maybe progress isn't progress If the garden becomes fumes And if someday He comes walking Through the world we rearranged We might proudly show our towers Our markets Our machines Our gains He may look across the oceans At the plastic, smoke and scars Then quietly ask: "So... what exactly did you do while I was gone?" [Final Chorus] So long, and thanks for all the Earth We never quite worked out its worth We measured everything in price And somehow thought that would suffice Buy it now Throw it away Someone else can clean someday We were told He would return We saw the warnings Watched them burn Then when something crossed the heavens We prepared for interstellar war Because apparently... "God came back" was less believable than "aliens." [Outro] Earth. Mostly harmless. Formerly beautiful. Under temporary management. Management review... pending.
