[Intro — Deep Bass, Spoken Voice] [DJ CHAMPIGNON] All right. I've had enough. Today... I'm going to teach you how to dance. [THE MAN] Fantastic! I'm already a professional! [DJ CHAMPIGNON] That's exactly what I'm afraid of. [Verse 1 — Minimal, Groovy] Step to the left! He goes to the right! Step to the right! He runs out of sight! Move your shoulders! He moves his knees! I say, "Relax!" He falls to his knees! [DJ CHAMPIGNON — Irritated] No, no, NO! Your OTHER left! [THE MAN] I only have one left! [Beat Drop — Repetitive Bass] Left, left, left! RIGHT! Stop, stop, stop! ALL NIGHT! One, two, three! Just follow me! One, two, three! WHY ARE YOU COPYING THE DJ?! [Verse 2 — Bass Gets Heavier] [DJ CHAMPIGNON] Now listen carefully. Watch my feet. Do exactly what I do. Nothing more. [THE MAN] Got it! [DJ CHAMPIGNON] Step forward. [THE MAN] Jumps backward. [DJ CHAMPIGNON] Step backward. [THE MAN] Jumps forward. [DJ CHAMPIGNON] FREEZE! [THE MAN] Starts dancing faster. [DJ CHAMPIGNON — Shouting] I SAID FREEZE! [THE MAN — Spoken] Is this the new dance? [DJ CHAMPIGNON] NO! IT'S A COMMAND! [Chorus — Catchy, Repetitive Club Hook] LEARN TO DANCE! LEARN TO DANCE! LEFT FOOT! WRONG CHANCE! LEARN TO DANCE! LEARN TO DANCE! DJ CHAMPIGNON IS LOSING HIS PATIENCE! [Instrumental — Hypnotic Bass, Vocal Chops] Left! Right! Stop! Wrong! Left! Right! STOP! WHAT IS GOING ON?! [Bridge — Music Drops to a Single Kick] [DJ CHAMPIGNON — Exhausted, Deep Voice] Okay. New strategy. Just stand there. Don't move. Don't think. Don't dance. Can you do that? [THE MAN] Absolutely! [Two Seconds of Silence] [THE MAN] Hey! Look at my new move! [DJ CHAMPIGNON — Outraged] OH, FOR THE LOVE OF THE GALAXY! [Massive Electro Drop] NO MORE LEFT! NO MORE RIGHT! NO MORE DANCING IN MY SIGHT! HANDS DOWN! FEET STILL! YOU'RE GONNA GIVE THE MUSHROOM A CHILL! [Final Chorus — Crowd Chant] LEARN TO DANCE! LEARN TO DANCE! LEFT FOOT! WRONG CHANCE! DJ CHAMPIGNON! SAVE YOUR BREATH! THIS MAN'S GOT TWO LEFT FEET! AND NOTHING LEFT! [Outro — Beat Fades] [THE MAN] So... Did I pass? [DJ CHAMPIGNON — Quiet, Defeated] You passed... The point. [THE MAN] Great! Same time tomorrow? [DJ CHAMPIGNON] I'm moving to another galaxy. [One Final Bass Hit] [THE MAN] Should I dance while you're packing? [DJ CHAMPIGNON] NOOOOOOO!
