I Like Big Curds (Fargo Face with a Green Bay Booty)

Oh. My. God. Becky. Look at her butt. It is so… Midwestern. She looks like one of those girls Who owns, like, six fleece pullovers. But y’know? Who understands those girls? They only talk about sourdough starters. She’s just so… practical. I like big curds and I cannot lie You other Packers can’t deny That when a girl walks in with a Fargo face And a Green Bay booty in your place You get sprung Wanna pull up tough Cuz you noticed that bratwurst stuff Deep dish? Naw, that’s Illinois duty We talkin’ pure Wisconsin booty Ope! She’s wearin’ flannel now Carhartt jacket, eyebrow plow The kind of girl that says “real quick” Then spends six hours at Fleet Farm trips My anaconda don’t want none Unless you got ranch, hon You can keep your Hollywood Juice cleanse neighborhood We like supper clubs Cheese curd tubs And old men named “Bub” She ain’t built for Malibu She built for Packers avenue Snow tires on the Subaru And passive-aggressive gratitude She got that Lutheran bake sale waist That “lemme squeeze right past ya” grace Fargo face with a Green Bay booty Built like Culver’s and cabin jacuzzi Baby got backstock Baby got Kwik Stop Baby got twelve different frozen tater tot hotdish options I’m tired of magazines Sayin’ flat butts are the thing Take the average Scandinavian queen Ask her that fermented bean thing She gotta pack much back So fellas — (YEAH?) Fellas — (YEAH?) Has your lady got the snowblower booty? (HELL YEAH) Then shake that cheesehead booty Shake that dairy booty Shake that Friday fish fry booty Shake that “wintered through six emotional collapses and still brought bars to work” booty Baby got back roads Baby got Costco loads Baby got one decorative sign that says “Gather” in cursive Now here’s the bridge: I met her at the Kwik Trip line Buying Spotted Cow and pork rinds She looked at me and softly said “You wanna come ice fish instead?” I knew right then This was destiny A woman with emotional repression And upper Midwest tenacity So your Cosmo says you’re thin? Well I ain’t down with that trend Cuz your silicone city booty Ain’t got nothin’ on Midwest sturdy I want ‘em round and dependable Able to survive three regional recessions And still politely apologize When YOU bump into THEM So ladies — (YEAH?) Ladies — (YEAH?) If you wanna roll in my old Pontiac Turn around Stick out that Green Bay booty Baby got back