[Verse 1] A family trip to Mallorca A little winter sun and water Dad and Cassie, George and me Shorts in December by the sea It was a good plan A simple pleasure (simple pleasure) A week without a crisis beyond measure Then George met a girl, and wouldn't you know She's beautiful, Russian, and there he goes (there he goes) [Chorus] This was supposed to be a vacation Sunshine, family, rest and relaxation (rest and relaxation) Now my brother's framed for stealing Royal jewels he never met It's the least relaxing family holiday yet (family holiday yet) [Verse 2] Now we're flying off to Vienna To find our glamorous femme fatale I've got Cassie right beside me And the Perfume Queen along as well (Sheryl, of course) Then Prague, because why wouldn't we? An opera house, conspiracy A creepy boss with nasty plans And somehow this is in my hands (in my hands) [Chorus] This was supposed to be a vacation Sunshine, family, rest and relaxation (rest and relaxation) Now I'm chasing Russian spies Across half the continent It's the least relaxing family holiday yet (family holiday yet) [Bridge] Back to Mallorca, meet the minder Perfect posture, standing straighter Mary Poppins with an earpiece And a Glock beneath her blazer (beneath her blazer) Make a deal with the Russian spy I don't love it, neither does she But George needs saving, time is short So naturally we all agree (naturally) [Verse 3] Masquerade night, masks and danger Find my brother, chase the stranger Through the streets on aching feet I'm gaining on him—almost—maybe— Then Mark appears from nowhere At exactly the right time He doesn't know he's saving us He's just being Mark, which works out fine (works out fine) The creepy boss is finished George is safe and breathing still And I would like one normal day But apparently I never will [Final Chorus] This was supposed to be a vacation Sunshine, family, rest and relaxation (rest and relaxation) But the jewels are safe, my brother's free Nobody's killed me yet So perhaps this isn't our worst family holiday yet (family holiday yet) [Outro] Dad and Cassie need a wedding My boss can do it, here's the thing: He's got a mail-order certificate So apparently that makes him legal (apparently) They're married! We're finished! Everything worked out somehow And Mark looks strange And Mark kneels down Oh Oh! [backing vocals] Is he really? Yes [Final lift] This was supposed to be a vacation Somehow it became an engagement (an engagement) Russian spies and royal jewels And a wedding at the end It was all completely crazy But it all worked out again [Outro | Farfisa sting] Perfect vacation Never doing that again [backing vocals] Sure, Jane
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