UNHEALED Janice Johnson — Candy Colored Coffins [Verse 1 — immediate husky female vocal, muted distorted guitar, gritty bass, restrained drums] I got good at changing the subject Before anybody noticed the blood Learned which stories could stand in daylight And which ones stayed under my tongue I can make a room believe I’m fine I’ve had years to get the timing right Even learned to laugh without showing my teeth All those scarred-over smiles [Pre-Chorus — guitar feedback begins to swell, snare grows increasingly aggressive] Turns out time doesn’t heal everything Sometimes it just teaches you How to quit touching it [Chorus — explosive distorted guitars, raw melodic female belt, anguished doubled vocals] I’M UNHEALED! There — I finally said it! Some things close Some things just quit bleeding! I’M UNHEALED! And I’m still here breathing! I built a life around the damage But the damage built a home in me! UNHEALED! UNHEALED! Don’t you dare call me healed! [Verse 2 — guitars abruptly fall back, intimate low vocal over fuzz bass] I’ve been calling it “a long time ago” Like distance is a diagnosis Like putting ten years between me and the worst night Makes it somebody else’s problem I don’t fall apart like I used to That’s not the victory I thought it was You can learn to live with a crooked bone And still know it never set right [Pre-Chorus — strained vocal, dissonant guitar chords, rising tension] Maybe time did what it could Maybe I gave it a job It never promised to do [Chorus — louder, more desperate, distorted vocal harmonies] I’M UNHEALED! There — I finally said it! Some things close Some things just quit bleeding! I’M UNHEALED! And I’m still here breathing! I built a life around the damage But the damage built a home in me! UNHEALED! UNHEALED! Don’t you dare call me healed! [Bridge — near silence, single detuned electric guitar, voice almost breaking] I don’t need another pretty word for pain Don’t call it growth because I carry it better Don’t call it closure because I stopped asking why Don’t tell me the wound made me stronger [Gradual crescendo, distorted bass rising] Maybe I was strong before it happened [Full band crashes in, anguished sustained scream] MAYBE THAT’S WHAT IT TOOK FROM ME! [Breakdown — drums drop out, naked vocal with distant amplifier feedback] I can forgive And still flinch I can move on And still limp I can love what’s here And hate what happened [Pause — almost whispered] Two things can be true. [Final Chorus — begins nearly a cappella, explodes into enormous grunge wall of sound] I’M UNHEALED! Not ruined! Not waiting for somebody to save me! JUST UNHEALED! Some things closed Some things still know my name I built a life around the damage And that life is mine anyway! I survived it! I won’t make that smaller! But I won’t call survival healing Just to make the story easier! [Final refrain — pounding half-time drums, raw vocal] UNHEALED! UNHEALED! DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME HEALED! [Ending — instruments cut suddenly, close-mic exhausted vocal] I’m better. [Pause] But unhealed. [Hard stop]
