Teenage Phone-Screen Zombie

I AM A TEENAGE PHONE-SCREEN ZOMBIE [Verse 1] I shamble around with my head in my phone Counting my followers, counting my likes One foot placed in front of the other I don’t even know where I’m going tonight Straight to my doom, I careen! [Chorus] I am a teenage phone-screen zombie! Focused on my little screen The whole world moves a thousand miles an hour It’s only a matter of time till the end of me! [Verse 2] Somehow I’ve got secret radar Dodging every obstacle in my way Until I hit this freaking wall— Get up, dust off, continue again Heading somewhere I forgot long ago! [Chorus] I am a teenage phone-screen zombie! Focused on my little screen The whole world moves a thousand miles an hour It’s only a matter of time till the end of me! [Verse 3] Crossed that street a thousand times Never once an incident Then came crossing number one-thousand-and-one— I hit the windshield! I heard a CRACK! [Spoken] “That was my back, by the way— not the windshield.” [Breakdown] Rolling through the air, my phone is gone Coming down in a touchdown pose Then from somewhere up above— My phone falls right back into my hand! [STOP] And I died. [Chorus] I am a teenage phone-screen zombie! Focused on my little screen The whole world moves a thousand miles an hour It’s only a matter of time till the end of me! [Verse 4 — Faster] I woke up somehow Which is weird—because I’m still dead! Got back up and continued on my way Then all around me, brothers and sisters Started crawling from the ground! Rotten flesh and shattered bones Dead eyes glowing from our phones Nothing can stop a teenage zombie Whose rotting face is permanently glued TO HIS FRIGGIN’ iPHONE! [Final Verse] I look up from my phone one final time A horde of rotting flesh marches behind I shrug my shoulders, put my head back down Swipe one more time— AND MARCH ON! [Final Chorus] I am a teenage phone-screen zombie! I am a teenage phone-screen zombie! Dead and scrolling forevermore I am a teenage phone-screen zombie ON THE ROAM FOREVERMORE! [Outro — Mariana, spoken over feedback] …Hey, I got another follower. [PHONE NOTIFICATION DING] END.