Marines Are So Sexy That Even Life Gets HARD!

[Intro] Dress Blues pressed, Silkies high, Fresh haircut, Confidence sky-high. Some men wonder if they've still got game. Marines have never had that problem. [Verse 1] We walk into every barroom Like the place was built for us, Chest puffed out, sleeves rolled tight, Radiating lust. Every mirror gets inspected, Every woman gets a grin, 'Cause if she hasn't met a Marine— HER LUCK'S ABOUT TO BEGIN! We're warriors and lovers, That's just how the legend goes, And who exactly started that legend? Nobody fucking knows. But every Marine will swear it's true, So that's good enough for me— WE'RE GOVERNMENT-ISSUED SEX APPEAL DEFENDING LIBERTY! [Pre-Chorus] God's gift to women, That's what we believe, If confidence was competence— WE'D NEVER FUCKING LEAVE! [Chorus] WE'RE SO SEXY THAT EVEN LIFE GETS HARD! God's gift to women, every one! Dress Blues, tattoos, high-and-tight— BABY, WE'RE LOADED GUNS! She says, “It was adequate,” We hear, “BEST I'VE EVER HAD!” Nobody loves a Marine quite like— A MARINE LOVES HIMSELF THAT BAD! [Verse 2] I told her she'd remember me For the rest of her whole life, Promised shock and awe tonight— DELIVERED SEMPER FYE! Six whole minutes later, I was proud of what I'd done, Another flawless operation— MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, SON! She said, “Well... that was alright.” HELL YEAH, ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER! She said, “That's not what I—” NO NEED TO THANK ME, MA'AM. Walked out feeling ten feet tall, Another heart successfully won, She locked the door behind me— SHE'S PROBABLY OVERCOME. [Chorus] WE'RE SO SEXY THAT EVEN LIFE GETS HARD! God's gift to women, every one! Dress Blues, tattoos, high-and-tight— BABY, WE'RE LOADED GUNS! She says, “It was adequate,” We hear, “BEST I'VE EVER HAD!” Nobody loves a Marine quite like— A MARINE LOVES HIMSELF THAT BAD! [Verse 3] My buddy got a review one night, Said, “Brother, this one's weird.” She told him, “I've definitely had better.” He fucking smiled ear to ear. “YOU HEAR THAT? I'M UP THERE WITH THE BEST SHE'S EVER HAD!” That's not what she said, but honestly— WE WEREN'T FUCKING GOOD AT MATH. Another heard, “I've had worse.” TOP HALF, BABY! FUCKING A! Another heard, “I barely noticed.” SMOOTH AS SILK! THAT'S WHAT SHE'S SAYING! “Please don't tell your friends about this.” SHE WANTS ME FOR HERSELF! Every single criticism Goes directly on the shelf. [Bridge] Maybe we're not Casanova, Maybe legends have been stretched, Maybe every operation Hasn't left 'em all impressed. Maybe “fine” just means “fine,” Maybe “okay” means “okay”— ... NAH. THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOME ARMY SHIT. [Build] We don't need validation! We don't need five stars! We know exactly what we've got— Mee-dee-oh-ker? BULLSHIT Wait. WRONG SONG. WE'RE FUCKING SUPERSTARS! [Final Chorus] WE'RE SO SEXY THAT EVEN LIFE GETS HARD! God's gift to women, every one! Dress Blues, tattoos, silkies high— WE'RE WEAPONS-GRADE FUCKING FUN! She says, “It was adequate,” We hear, “DO THAT SHIT AGAIN!” She says, “Please don't call me,” We hear, “I'LL CALL YOU, THEN!” From Tun Tavern to the bedroom, There's one truth we disregard: THE REVIEWS MAY SAY WE'RE AVERAGE— BUT OUR CONFIDENCE IS HARD! [Outro] So here's to every Marine Who's ever strutted from the scene, Absolutely fucking certain He just fulfilled somebody's dream. She might call it “Mee-dee-oh-ker.” We call it— SERVICE TO THE NATION. Another life transformed. You're welcome, America. [Final hit] SEMPER FYE!